Dating – A Semi-Informed Perspective

[Please click HERE to skim over a post I wrote based on a homily I heard on dating.]

Since writing the previous post on dating, I've had a lot of time to think and experience different and new kinds of relationships.  And because I'm a trustworthy Listener, I have heard even more about relationships than I ever care to face myself.  Although I agree that in our world today, society takes dating too seriously, we need to take that into account when we consider where we think our relationships should go.  Not everyone views dating the same way.  I know one guy who is not going to date this semester because he doesn't want that responsibility just now; but when he decides to date, he will ask a girl out on eight increasingly expensive dates and then ask her to be his girlfriend on the last one.  I respect this method very much – but what about the girl?

You see, when two people come together, both have to be taken into account.  I would not have thought of the dating process in that way until he explained it to me; but that was the way he intends to approach dating.  Knowing him, he probably will not easily change his mind if the girl he crushes on has a different idea.  So should he stick to his guns or should he be willing to bend a little bit when a girl comes along?

It would be easy for me to say that I'm not going to date anyone with whom I'm not already good friends.  In fact, I've said before that any guy worth dating is worth having as a friend for life.  But not everyone looks at getting to know the opposite sex that way.  Some consider dating as the way that you get to know whether a guy is worth knowing.  My perspective on relationships does not work that way, however, since I tend to cling with a passionate concern to people I know.  If I've spent time on you, you will always have a bit of my heart in your pocket.  So if a certain way of dating prevents me from being on good terms with you afterward, I don't like it.  "I'm a person; you're a person; let's treat each other with respect."

(I guess I operate on the Catholic principle of ultimate unity in God.  We are all one.  How can there be dissension between us?  I'll, please God, be with them in Heaven someday.)

So while I've often meditated on relationships, and while many have written books, and while Christianity has set many guidelines and rules to live our romances by – I think these are all inherently flawed.  Relationships are between two people; and although there are certain things that are just wrong and should be avoided in relationships, each relationship is different, because each person is different.  From listening to many stories of how couples got together, it would seem that there is no one way to find the perfect someone.  Sometimes it's a guy who just knows at first sight and wants to take you out, and sometimes it's your best friend.  Long distance and online relationships work, too, I've heard.  But the point is, it will work out between the two of you – it'll be right on both ends.

I'm not talking about what "feels right."  I'm talking about what is right to create a solid relationship between two people.  So I think you can read as many authorities on relationships as you want, but I think the search for your spouse – assuming you are in that search – is just like the creation of any other relationship.  It requires time, patience, openness, true love for the other person, and a willingness and ability to do what is best for the both of you.

Emotional chastity comes into play here, as you experiment with where you can be with different people.  Again, I don't think there is any one spot that you should be with all members of the opposite sex.  The more I live, the more I'm convinced that how emotionally involved you are with a person depends on that person.  Some guys are amazing friends – girls, don't let your emotions get all tied up in a guy just because he understands you.  (And ladies, do not neglect your girlfriends whatever you do. The truth is, no matter how much guys and girls were made to complete one another, guys just don't get it.)  As for the gentlemen, well, I can't speak for you so....

But seriously, the more you leave to mystery, the more the other person will have to invest back in you.  On the other end, it is possible to be too mysterious and standoffish.  It takes a balance.  But if we depend on God and make our priority the health and happiness of the other person, I am sure we will succeed in life.

Pray for God's love for man to become yours – keeping in mind what that Love did for us.

~Meggy

Christ knows your every imperfection – and He would die all over again just for you

Click HERE for a post on Lent that I wrote last year

Remember a time when you were feeling desolate and lost.  For myself, I don't have to think back very far.  There have been many times when I've felt like I was unwillingly deaf to God's word in my life, when I was desperately waiting to get a hint from God and have peace in my soul.  I know I'm not the only one who has felt that way.  So think about a time when you were lost – struggling and confused.

Now read what I wrote last year on Easter:

Don't take the Resurrection for granted.  People do not rise from the dead, okay?  Particularly people who are scourged beyond reason, exhausted, abused, abandoned, nailed to a cross, and stabbed in the side.  Jesus Christ the Nazarene, Messiah, Son of God, Son of Man - He was put to death by an expert, top-notch Roman system, with no chance for survival whatsoever.

But then, neither did He plan to survive.

Sunday morning, reports come in that the most dead man in the world is back - walking, talking, even eating.  This does not just happen, my friends.  Here are Christ's disciples, His closest friends, regretting everything, questioning everything, feeling lost and hopeless.  Why did it all happen?  What comes next?  The Man has been killed and is gone.  What else is there?  Then Christ appears to them - what are they supposed to think?  Now they're wondering: Why is He back?  What are we supposed to do now?  What does all this mean?

The Resurrection of the most powerful Person ever to walk the earth is a joyous event, make no mistake.  But it is so much more.  It is confusing, it is baffling, it is unbelievable.  Could we really have been any better than poor, legendary Doubting Thomas?

Christ is not a teddy bear.  He is not a kid's show on TV, all cute and touching.  He is mega-powerful.  One of my favorite phrases to describe Him is: "He is not a tame lion."  Jesus does what we expect Him to do only because we grew up with it - it is practically in our DNA.  But it would be completely different if we were the first witnesses.  If we really think about it, I bet we'd be surprised to find Jesus doing what He does.  He is absolutely unpredictable.

Have a blessed Triduum, and may God bless you with every good thing this Easter Sunday,

~Meggy

A Little Relief

I went to Confession finally and I feel so much better having just admitted all my struggles.  It's wonderful when someone kind and gentle and unfamiliar with your particular situation is able to tell you what you've been doing to yourself.  My confessor reflected that I've been overworking my head, heart, and soul.  I'm taking too much upon myself – letting my struggles get between me and God, even though I do have a strong relationship with God.

If you could please continue to pray for me, however, because I'm at a crossroads with a lot of decisions to make.  I feel like I've never been this naked on my blog before, but I'm appreciating the support I'm getting.  Thank you so much – I never would have anticipated this kind of response.

I'm going to try to approach everything with prayer first – pray, handle, praise, pray, handle, praise, pray.  Make God my first thought, so that He's infused into everything.  I hope that'll smooth out a lot of the problems I've been having.

~Meggy