Hey, should I? Do you think? Mayhap perchance?

I recently wrote a new post for my "professional" blog, if you will, that was passionate and heartfelt.  I titled it "America Needs a Mending."  It's kind of a play on words - maybe you can figure out why.

Lately, I've been getting it into my head to become a professional blogger.  What does that mean?  Good question.  I don't know.  I was looking at Iris Hanlin's blog and I was so darn impressed.  I don't think she's earning any money doing what she does but she's good at what she does.  I suppose to get started on my goal, I'd start off following her example.  Maybe I'll try some kind of vlog.  Maybe I'll have themes.  Et cetera.  Et cetera. . . .

But there's so much I still don't know.  What to do. . . what to do. . . what to do with myself.  When I started Our Hearts Unhindered, I had in mind something like Matt Walsh's blog.  I'd like to just say that shortly after discovering Matt Walsh, I decided I greatly dislike him.  But now's not really the time to get into why.  Anyway, you may be able to tell that my Our Hearts Unhindered blog is modeled after his "blogging template," so to speak.  But 'tis boring.  'Tis not fun.  Any suggestions?

I broached this subject with my boyfriend recently, but the conversation was short-lived.  I had no idea what I had in mind and he doesn't discuss well if I can't define my terms.  He has a stricter scientific mind - which is good because that's ultimately what I need from him on this.  I need him to help me figure out what I want and how to get it.  But sometimes I don't realize that that's what I'm looking for and I don't go into the conversation with that in mind.  So I quickly dropped it, made a mental note to think more on it later, and we went on doing something else.

I'll probably bring it up with him again.  But do you have any suggestions?  I want to go on blogging like I do here, but better.  And I want to go on blogging like I do at Our Hearts Unhindered, but more better (and more attractive).  Is there a way I can combine them?

Gosh I'm hungry.  Good thing lunch is soon.

One thing I'm worried about is transparency.  In my blogs, I'm not transparent.  I've made an effort over the years to keep my blog secret from family and friends so that I could explore myself without shame, in a sense.  I've gone back and forth about even putting my picture in my profile.  And I've kept personal details strict on Our Hearts Unhindered.  It's succeeded, but it may be holding me back.

Do I need to start over?  Do I need to make a new blog that is a combination of all?  Do I revamp this one and just keep going?  I like that idea better, frankly: stop trying to be one thing and be all at once.  Don't hide the fun, don't segregate the serious.

Alright, that's all the time I have to write at the moment, unfortunately, but I'll keep thinking. . . and I hope to hear from you!  Clearly I need to sit down and really hash this out for myself. . . .

Thanks so much, guys
~Meggy

I'm Strong

Lately, I've been wanting to be a stronger, more independent woman.  I'm turning 21 this year – I want to act my age and be bold and courageous.  I want to make a difference and be noticed for my accomplishments.

Lately, it seems like every week, I have an emotional crisis of sorts.  I feel I'm not being recognized for my talents and hard work at my job, I feel stuck, I feel depressed that I could have to do something like this every day after college, I feel a temporary emotional distance from my boyfriend, I feel too rushed, I feel like I don't have time to fulfill myself with hobbies and personal time, and I feel like I'm such a pain for being an emotional mess.

After seeing the new Avengers movie recently, I reflected on how strong Natasha is.  Of course, she is a human being and a woman so she has weaknesses and emotional troubles like anyone else.  But then I saw a picture of a childhood friend receiving an award at her school.  And I look around at my friends getting really cool jobs or starting organizations that are making a quantifiable difference.  And I'm over here thinking about how much I hate the professional world and just want to raise a family on a farm in the country.

I still want to do that, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  I'm certainly not going to change who I am or my personality.  Who I am is who I am, and there's nothing wrong with her.  But I decided to work on my frame of mind, the way I think about things.

After some reflection, I decided that instead of trying to change what I do or how, or change my personality, I'm going to focus more on what areas of my personality are strong and develop that.  It could be difficult to do, but I want to build myself up rather than ignore how I feel.

I'm strong… when my creative capacities are encouraged.

I'm strong… when someone else is in a bad mood or insults me and I'm able to forgive and stay steady.

I'm strong… when tasks and schedules vary, allowing me to shake things up a bit and stay out of ruts.

I'm strong… about organizing, cleaning, and housekeeping.

I'm strong… in my feelings for other.  I want to love and take care of people.  I am willing to do anything necessary for a relationship that is worth it (and some that aren't).

I'm strong… when faced with a task no one else wants to do but needs to be done.  I can sacrifice myself for others.

I'm going to try to keep working on this list and encourage myself to be strong, inspired by myself.