I went to Confession finally and I feel so much better having just admitted all my struggles. It's wonderful when someone kind and gentle and unfamiliar with your particular situation is able to tell you what you've been doing to yourself. My confessor reflected that I've been overworking my head, heart, and soul. I'm taking too much upon myself – letting my struggles get between me and God, even though I do have a strong relationship with God.
If you could please continue to pray for me, however, because I'm at a crossroads with a lot of decisions to make. I feel like I've never been this naked on my blog before, but I'm appreciating the support I'm getting. Thank you so much – I never would have anticipated this kind of response.
I'm going to try to approach everything with prayer first – pray, handle, praise, pray, handle, praise, pray. Make God my first thought, so that He's infused into everything. I hope that'll smooth out a lot of the problems I've been having.
We have an incredible God. He created everything we see around us and even everything around us we cannot see. He made us, He made our personalities, He made the laws by which the world operates by, and keeps it going. When I pray, I sometimes like to pledge my loyalty by putting my hand over my heart, and I just feel my heart beat as it pumps life throughout me. Maybe because I'm small, it gives me a very real sense of vulnerability. I read, once, that it is God's constant thinking of us that keeps us existing. If ever He forgot about us – if ever He could – we would cease to exist entirely. In a very real sense, God is always thinking of us. He singlehandedly keeps the entire universe in actuality.
He created the laws of science, the laws of mathematics, the laws of aesthetics, and the laws of euphonies. He made all things physical and intangible. He has described emotions in the language we have never spoken, and we have personalities because that is how He loved us, thought of us, created us. He placed us exactly where He needed us to be. He has always known when, how, why we would come into being. He has always known what, when, why we would fail. He has always known what would be our saving grace. He has always known when we would struggle, and He arranged those struggles to coincide with events that would help us. He arranged those events to coincide with our struggles. They have always been, because He is all-knowing, never planning. When you pray to God for an answer, all the time, He knows what is about to happen to give you peace of mind. He knew long ago what you would cry for and He arranged a gift to make you smile again.
That is why Christmas is such a mystery. Obviously, God has absolute control over EVERYTHING. He can do whatever He likes. So why would He come in the form of a man in order to save us? He knew before the beginning of time that Adam and Eve would turn away from Him, and that all their descendants would do likewise. But He created each one anyway. He could have prevented Adam and Eve from turning away from Him, but He didn't. He could have incinerated the snake; He could have disolved the tree; heck, He could have used ultimate mind control to manipulate Eve's thoughts. He could do that each time we have spite toward Him or His creation. He could control us like puppets.
But instead, He became man. He weaved Himself into the flesh of His own creation – becoming His own creation. He suffered the trials of everyday life; He suffered rejection; He suffered mean thoughts and evil actions; He suffered more pain than most come anywhere close to – and He didn't have to. But He loves us so much that He wanted us to make our own decision; He wanted our love for Him to be true; He wanted to be among us and share our trials, pain, and joys.
When He said to His followers, "You must eat my flesh and drink my blood," everyone left Him. Paint the picture – God stood on earth, ready to die needlessly to save our souls, and He watched as everyone rejected Him. And He let them. He just let them. He could have changed their minds for them without lifting a finger; but he didn't do that. And who among us could do the same? I know I wouldn't. If I had that power, I know I would use it.
That's why Christmas is so exciting and miraculous. "God-made-man" is mystery enough, but why God would trouble Himself on our level is beyond any of us – it's a love this earth may never comprehend again.
On account of the end of the Christmas Season, it will be inappropriate to continue with Christmas topics, music, and so on for very much longer. It still surprises me that Christmas is over and gone, and when, on Christmas day, my brother pointed out how many days more until Christmas again, I was excessively saddened - and on Christmas day! But really, I'm seventeen! Why this attachment to Christmas?
You have to admit that Christmas is a magical time like no other. It's also one of the most controversial events in present society. And yet, when Christmas came, radio DJs said "Merry Christmas" and stations were flooded with references to THE Son. People everywhere go out of their way to do something they normally wouldn't at Christmas time, and Christmas is nearly universal. Even in very pagan countries, Christmas shows up on the calender. Yes, there certainly is something magical about it.
So, as this is my last Christmas post until next winter, I'd like to give you one more song, and I ask you listen to it - but only on the account that it'll be my last Christmas video until next season, there's nothing particularly amazing about it.
In fact, some of you might end up hating me - but I can't help what I like!
I think this artist makes this song amazingly bearable.
Well, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and may happy returns! (And remember, Christmas never has to end!)
Hello, everybody, it's me, Meggy! Let me go right on record and apologize for changing the look of my blog so often. I think it goes against some unspoken rule to apologize to your readers, but I can't help but feeling like I'm really confusing and annoying. Well, that may be true, and I wouldn't blame you if you felt that way. That's just part of my personality. I change things around the house all the time. Luckily for all of you, part of my studies at college will be graphic and web design, so maybe I'll eventually design my own look which satisfies me 100% - but I humbly advise you not to hold your breath.
I'd also like to personally wish you a happy new year! I don't have time right now to go into New Year's Resolutions and all that jazz, but I would like to post something about it soon.
Okay, what else did I want to say? Hmm....
Well, once again, Raindrops and Moonlight has some absolutely gorgeous songs for us from her "Song Saturday" - go take a gander!
But that wasn't all I wanted to say! What was it???
Well, this wasn't it and I don't have much time but I would like to quickly tell you about this:
We had an Epiphany party on Saturday night. It was so much fun! We had an "open house" from 4 to who-knows-when, and my music teacher and her husband brought music books and a guitar. Awfully presumptuous of them but they were not resented! After dinner, I started up my radio, new iPod nano in its slot, and played the cut and edited version I made of 'Pocketful of Dreams' sung by Bing Crosby, Fred McMurray, and - you may have guessed it - Donald O'Connor (when he was about ten or twelve), joined by my sisters and me. That got everyone's attention. Then I picked up my guitar and sang O Holy Night. Then I surrendered the floor to my piano student Briana and her older sister Adriana, who is a guitar student of my music teacher. Together, they played We Three Kings, and then Briana played Jolly Old Saint Nicolas and Go Tell It On the Mountain. Then my sister and I sang the first verse of 'The Turntable Song' and then we got everyone involved in 'All God's Creatures'.
After that, my music teacher sat at the piano and her husband played his guitar, and we sang sing-along Christmas songs. It was very fun - and the first time I had ever wanted to perform, never mind arrange a recital. I enjoyed it very much.
Ah, but can you tell I really want to get down to my school work? No, I'm not convincing me either. But one last word and then I must go: Top Man, starring Donald O'Connor, was uploaded by LoveTheOConnor (sorrowfulflower's new account) the other day. I had trouble loading it but when I finally got it to work, I enjoyed it, even though the plot was not very solid. I'm fairly certain it was one of the films they rushed into production when Donald O'Connor was drafted, so what can we expect? Anyway, it's Donald O'Connor! Who cares about plot? So if anyone is interested, you can find it by clicking here.
And now I really must go. TTFN -
~Meggy
An Hour or so Later: Oh! I remember what it was! I'm having trouble with profile pictures lately. I've tried pictures from my computer folders and from Picasa and O'Connor pictures from the Internet, and it's still showing up as an exclamation point on other blogs. Anyone know what's going on? Plus my profile picture in chat isn't showing up on my gmail page, but it does on my iGoogle page. My sister told me my picture wasn't visible to her, but I messed with it and I don't know if that's still true. And when it was working, why was there a Google symbol on it???
It is Christmas evening and, as you can see, I have already changed the look of the blog. The bland, monochromatic look was bugging me so that I was itching for Christmas to be over so that I could change it. And so here it is! It is not purple, which rather surprised me, but I did keep the purple title banner.
Christmas began on the 23rd when my paternal grandparents came. It was curious that they were so anxious to celebrate Christmas with us, especially since we would see them again, at the "Seymour Party" and possibly afterwards or beforehand at their own house. But I hardly noticed that, because my nana likes to get together with us. She did seem awfully anxious to distribute gifts, though, and she didn't even jump at our offer to play a game. Finally, after she had given gifts to her grandchildren, she asked Papa, "Did we forget someone? Did we forget someone? We must have left it in the car." My papa got up, employed the help of my trustworthy-Scout brother, and in a moment, they came back in carrying a 32" Samsung flatscreen! Wow, that was impressive. We've had our old TV for perhaps ten years and mostly had no complaints except that sometimes when you pressed the power button the volume turned down instead. It's really quite impressive.
Even besides that, this Christmas has been perhaps the best in many a year - gift-wise, of course, and one should not judge a Christmas by what one has. (But still I am very contented and happy this year.) I got a Thirty-One Gifts upperclassman backpack in harvest plaid, The Midnight Dancers by Regina Doman, some bookmarks and Chai Latte mix, earrings and a bracelet, two $15 gift cards to iTunes, a gift card for Kohls and one for Target, and strongly mint scented soap, Finnish bread, chocolate, and guitar strings from my wonderful fellow-guitarist in the folk group; this was the 23rd and 24th; this morning, I got more chocolate, a clementine, LOTR PEZ dispensers, a small book of manners, a candle that smells like a rootbeer float, a large sketch book, sponge curlers, 'I Love Melvin' (*squeal!!!*), a Thirty-One Gifts umbrella in herringbone spot, 'Bing Crosby: The Voice of Christmas' CD, and a new retractable tape measure (which I need since I do most of the sewing and the old one is trashed).
Then there were a few large presents left. Okay, time for the big stuff! And what does Mom put in my lap but a little box about a cubed inch. The big gifts go in front of my siblings. "What kind of a gyp is this?!" I say a loud - good-naturedly of course. Then Mum shoots the starter gun -whatever that's called - and we tear open our presents. My younger sister by two years gets those boots she wanted. My younger sister by six years gets a large barn kit for her horses (which she and Dad have recently completed). My brother, younger by four years, gets his electric guitar (my jaw dropped and I felt the slightest twinge of envy).
For the smallness of my gift, I probably took the longest to get the wrapping off. Inside was an iPod nano! OMGosh! A few months ago, the hand-my-down I got from my dance teacher a few years ago finally died. I was stranded, trying to scrounge up CDs to listen to - the radio drove me nuts by refusing to play anything of value. Plus some of the best songs we owned are not on CD because we bought them on iTunes. I mean, this thing is really about an inch square - and using two fingers you can rotate the screen - it's crazy! I'm really grateful. Music is practically my life so this means everything to me - to be able to carry it easily with me.
Of course, the first convenient chance I got, I made my own account (no more using Mum's account where people can access my money for their own stuff) and bought four songs, adding a few more to a wish list, which I'll buy later if I decide I really want them. I bought the following:
The first and third are glorified versions on the record obviously (longer, fuller, or whatever), but I still love them.
Well, I'd like to upload pictures but the files were incompatible with my program apparently, so I have to do it a little differently - it'll take some time.
So we watched 'Tender Trap' (which I loved), 'The Grinch who Stole Christmas', 'Blue Skies' (I'd like to see Crosby and Astaire in a film where neither of them is a heel and the girl isn't a jerk), and 'Birth of the Blues', and 'I Love Melvin' (which I also loved!). After dinner of "roast beast" and butternut squash soup (amazingly delicious), we watched the inspiring 'The Nativity Story' and now we're watching an episode of my sister's new season of 'Adam 12'.
Midnight Mass was lovely and we had a good brass section.
I hope youz guyz had a lovely Christmas too, and I hope you tell me all about it.
I confess myself surprised that today is the 20th. How can Christmas be but a mere five days away? I have a gift for my brother and my youngest sister - what about everybody else? And where's the snow? There isn't a flake. Where's the excitement and expectation? I have reason to be excited, to be sure.
Ah, friends, what can I say? I have nothing to say. I'm as blank as new sheet of paper. Have you ever had a staring contest with a blank piece of paper? I have, and you ought to try it sometime. You may surprise yourself. Writers probably know what I'm talking about. You pick up the pen, dripping with ink, and you know that in a moment the page is going to be smudged and scribbled all over. Yet it holds a mystical power, as it stands in its blankness.
Well, that's pretty much all I have to say except that I'm enjoying myself. And I don't even have that to say. I'm antsy - that I will say. I'm tired, impatient, and I just want everyone to get along. Get along, darn you! I'm especially annoyed with the lack of good manners I'm, for some reason, becoming increasingly aware of. Music in the car playing over conversations, constant mumbling and noise making at the dinner table, and dirty looks from kids who should know better. Good etiquette on the part of other people lets me know exactly how I should behave. It puts me at ease.
But this isn't all about me - oh, wait - it is! It's funny how self-centered blogs are, how self-centered they can become. Well, as I rant on and on, typing only because it saves me from actually doing something, you're bored silly and have no idea why I'm rambling on. Well, I can't tell you, only have a very merry Christmas, to you and yours from me and mine.
If you can spare the time, please enjoy these videos - perhaps while you're knitting or baking or wrapping,
If you guys are getting tired of reading about Christmas, too bad! *insert evil cackle* I'm still riding high on it.
Actually, I'm trying to organize a Christmas recital, which isn't going to be until our Epiphany party, because we just don't have enough time (which reminds me........).
But before I run off to complete a few tasks, I'd like to give you more Christmas music.
In our recital, we, so far, have the following lined up (not in order): I sing Holy Night in C and I might have to use this as my accompaniment if I can't get a hold on my 13 year-old brother. We're not just doing Christmas Carols - we're going to just have fun with this. I'm thinking about this next one as our opening song: But we'll still do some Christmas songs. I plan on having my own piano student playing the next two if she can apply herself to them:
If possible, I'll have her sister accompany her on the guitar.
Again, if I can get my brother to cooperate, we'll play the following on guitar, with a much simpler melody: And I'm thinking of this following song as our closing:
I'd like to beef it up with a few more, so we'll see what else we're capable of.
Ahem, but to continue, I suggest you visit Raindrops and Moonlight for great Christmas carols - the songs she picks out are so lovely! You can also visit her mom's page, which she links to at the bottom, for another Christmas carol and an explanation of Gaudete.
Is that enough for you? No? Well, how about a few from Bing? No, not a Christmas song, I know. How about this one? lol - not a Christmas song either. Tricked you! But I will give you this one: I was listening to the radio a few days ago and the DJ said she asked a question on Facebook about the favorite Christmas song, this one was it! I was thinking: finally, the public consensus is identical with my own! Took them long enough!
The Cutest Christmas Pageant Ever(this clip is from 'The Bells of Saint Mary's', which came after 'Going My Way' - same actor, different story)
Well, for a moment, it looked like I was going to recover. But I'm a quack doctor and prescribed looking after three small children and then staying up late. You can imagine the results. Ah well. If this illness made me miss my ballet class, it had better keep me on the couch a little longer anyway. ;)
More to the point, it's the first day of December! How's the new form of the Mass coming for y'all? I like it, personally, because I have to reexamine the meaning of what we believe. There's a lot there that I knew we believed but I didn't even realize was being stated in Mass!
I'm glad it's December. And it came in with a proper temperature - about 5 degrees Celcius, 40 degrees Fahrenheit. The last few days have been warmer - which is fine, but it's Christmas season for goodness sake! We need freezing temperatures and snow. But this is New England - ay, the good ol' northeast of the US - and the weather is completely unpredictable. We had snow just long enough for Halloween, my little most-unpredictable-town-in-NE had a wee bit of snow for Thanksgiving, and now we're counting on the weather to stick to its pattern and give us some for Christmas. We'll see what happens!
I just wanted to have some fun here this morning - don't mind me. It'd be interesting to know how many people read through this post though.
Well, what do you think? Could it be Christmas without Bing Crosby?
(Whoever put those poor kids en pointe oughta be hanged! They do a fair job, considering, but those kids will have been destroyed before they got through their teenage years. Well, anyway... what would this movie have been like with Fred Astaire, do you think?)
