Why Homosexual Unions are Not Marriage

People generally consider marriage as a certificate and really expensive ceremony that declares to family, friends, and the world: "After a period of time together, we have strong feelings for one another and think we might live happily together for the rest of our lives. Let's celebrate that hope."  This new-fangled marriage serves almost no purpose. It's the step you take after "living together and testing sexual compatibility," and it signals a hope for eternal happiness. But it can be broken and cast aside if need be. It's practically pointless.

Heck, if you just really want a certificate and a really expensive, crowded ceremony, all you need is a computer, a printer, and an assembly hall.  Nobody's going to stop a minister from pronouncing you "married."

But once upon a time, marriage served a function. The marriage of two people, a man and a woman, was not merely the joining of two people in love to support each other through good and bad; marriage served the society. A man and a woman in marriage love each other and procreate.  New children, new members of society, new citizens are born and raised in this construct, taught and trained and nurtured for adult life. And that is why the government has a duty to protect and support the family structure - it is good for society and builds society.

My stance is not going to be popular but I know this is true: children need a mother and a father. That is true biologically and it is true psychologically. Children can survive without one or even both of their parents, but it is more difficult for them. For example, young boys often suffer, these days, because of the absence of a father. Sometimes another male father-figure in their life helps them stay on the path, but studies have shown that children usually do better with both their parents.

Of course, that is ideal. Sometimes, that can't always be. But a homosexual union fails to fulfill the goals of marriage completely. They cannot procreate children, and children they raise have two of one gender and are denied their need for the other. Furthermore, a man or a woman is used to create a child on demand and then never participates in the life of that child again.  Their motherhood or fatherhood of the child is denied. The child grows up not knowing who they came from, their background, or their origins.  They don't know who they are.  They don't have roots.  This will sound harsh, but the biological parent essentially seems to say, from the perspective of the child's heart, "I don't love you.  You were created for the pleasure of your homosexual guardians.  Have fun with your life."  Even adopted children have to deal with that phenomenon, never mind a child brought into the world through a surrogate mother.

If you are homosexual and want to live with your significant other, I can't stop you. But you don't need marriage. Marriage serves to create and bring up new people in a stable home, ideally, with both a mother and a father. Science has shown, testimonies have shown that children need that. [And yes, that affects how I feel about divorce as well.]

And society suffers if it defines marriage as whatever you want it to be.  Because the children suffer.

I'm not anti-love.  I'm pro-marriage.

Never Forever

Loneliness has been gripping my soul.  With less than a week before my return trip to college, my longing for my friends has increased thirtyfold.  I can't wait to see their faces and hear their voices.  I can't wait to actually do all the things we've promised to do.

My friends may never understand even an inkling of how much they mean to me.  As a life-long loner, it's amazing to have people texting me  – even Skyping me! – over the summer.  Seventh through twelfth grade, I could have been the poster child for the people who say homeschoolers aren't properly socialized.  And in my whole life, I've had maybe five or six friends – in recollection – and only one at a time.  The fact that I have so many different people interested in befriending me at one time is amazing.

If only I could express these feelings.  Those that want to hear it, wouldn't understand their depth.  Those that would take it, would try to sympathize or would be embarrassed and uncomfortable.  Some would not like being so serious long enough to hear.

But perhaps there are other ways to express my feelings.  Perhaps words are not the best way.  I think, maybe, these feelings that want to explode are meant to stay that way.  By chance, maybe the barely bridled gratitude and affection inside me would feel tainted, deflated once let out in minced, jumbled phrases.  More likely, such feelings were meant to build – further constructed with every hug and good word, better fortified with every trial, magnified until unfading, preserved even after long separation in our happy thoughts and cherished memories.  Never to be described.

I fear the day when I have to go away.  These four years will truly be the time of my life.  It could well be that I may find friends after college and find a cute little community for myself in a small town somewhere….  But never will I live in a community so close and available… never will it be so beautiful and open… never will it be a large Catholic community, all talking about anything that comes to mind without reserve or awkwardness….  I will truly miss all these dear characters in my life.  For never have I been so anxious to be with people who scared me so much.

I'm only going into my second year of college; I know I'm a bit premature; but if there's one thing I thrive on, it's deliberating on notions long before their time.

And I truly will miss the people who are helping me get so far.  Without them, I would never have known my fears as I do now – I would never have grown so much.  I would never have embraced such terror with so much anticipation.

It is my fervent prayer that I will find someone among them who will not want to move on without me.  We can go away from there together, and support each other in the separation.   I can let my love for him grow to insurmountable heights, and I never need explain anything; for I'll live my unfading feelings – forever.

~Meggy

This Is Gonna Take Awhile

Sighhhhhhhhhh. . . . . .

I have. . .  a tale. . . of woe.

Okay, not really, but sorta.  See, okay, I'm just kinda of out of my mind lately.  I'm tired, I'm running around like crazy, I can't sleep like a normal person anymore, I'm in conflict about a friend, I'm in conflict about another friend, and I'm in conflict about myself.

Shall we start at the beginning of the list and work our way along?  Yes?  Yes. Yes, I think that'll be simplest.  It'll be easier for me to explain that way, I think.  I have a lot to say but I'm not quite sure how to go about saying it.

Alright, so I'm tired.  For the first part of the summer, I was working like crazy.  I was keeping up with two jobs, and also trying to satisfy my mother that I was working as often and as hard as I can to make as much money as was possibly available to me.  This expended a great amount of energy and a fair deal of stress.  Yippee.  But I got through it, and I even enjoyed it, and it wasn't that bad, really.  Just another challenge, and you may have heard about my way of handling challenges.  They had better think twice before coming along or they'll wish they'd never ben born – that's my policy.

Anyway, so I was tired.  One job depended on strawberry season, however, and strawberry season is, regrettably, over, so that's that.  But last week we went camping.  It was almost unbearably humid – but we bore it so it must have been bearable – and I was sleeping in a tent with no air conditioning.  Now, to be fair, there was the camper, right there, next to me, filled with air-conditioned goodness (air) – but there really isn't a spot in there for me without starting a fight sooooooo I was mature about it and slept in the tent.  . . .Okay, so it was also because I'm stupid and stubborn and I like have some personal space.  And quite frankly, even though I was tired constantly, I didn't mind being awake in the middle of the night just because it was just too dang hot.  I listened to the night sounds, if there were any, and just chilled. You've also got to remember that I share a room every day of my life otherwise – at school and at home so this is like heaven for me.

And anyway, one night, I texted my friend James, who also happened to be up; and another night, I texted my friend Marcus, who is always up.  I enjoy texting Marcus, whatever time of day it is. . . .

via

Anyhow, so now I'm home, but it's vewy, vewy humid and my room is one of the few in the house without air conditioning.  Sure, as my mother has pointed out before, I could sleep in the basement, but then there would be the effects of the fact that I'm not sleeping in my own bed – so is there an answer?  I ask you, is there an answer?  It's not that bad, really, we have the ceiling fan on and a window fan blowing out and drawing the cooler air in from downstairs, and by morning, it's usually pretty comfortable in there.  But even so, especially right after we got home from camping, I haven't been sleeping through the night very well.  I feel like I barely doze or I plummet into the depths of "knocked out" for an insufficient amount of time.

So what's next?  Oh, running around like crazy.  Right, well, you read about the part where I was running from one job to the next.  Basically, I have one that is every weekday morning, and then I would work this other one some afternoons and most open Saturdays.  But that's over.  So now I've just been going all over Connecticut (where we were camping), and now I'm running errands and keeping appointments, going to various kinds of summer parties (family, graduation, pool), and then there are various family get togethers and summer opportunities, too.  Not that any of this is bad, but I am tired, as we discussed.

Um, it would seem that I already explained my sleeping problem when I was explaining my exhaustion.  In addition, I try to sleep during the day – and to be fair to myself, I do sleep and sleep longer than my usual naps – but I always wake up before I would like and then can't go back to sleep for several hours.

. . . .

Now we get down to the dirt.  This is – as you are all too well aware, I'm sure – a very long post already; so be warned, now we discuss the deeper meaning of life. . .  or the deeper problems behind my facade, as it were.

Really, it won't be that bad.  But if you don't like drama, feel free to back out now.  I won't be offended.  I won't even know.  (And right now, I'm giggling at myself for my cleverness.  Do you see how I've gone mad?  It's quite a sickness, really, hard to shake.)

Yeah, I'm being weird, but I don't really care anymore.  Turns out people like me a little weird.  And as it comes naturally, I'm good with that!

Okay, so conflict with a friend.  Hmm.  There's two, as you read, and I'm not sure which to handle first.

Alright, well, there's my good friend who is a guy.  Yeah.  And I've always been fond of him, in so far as I thought he was funny and he reminded me of my little brother (always is a long time; let's say, since I got to know him).  But he started texting me shortly into this summer and suddenly, I really liked his company.  Now we text all the time.  And it's not just me.  I mean, sometimes I feel like I'm carrying the whole conversation on my shoulders, and then I begin to doubt if he really likes talking to me as much as I thought, and I feel myself backing off, shutting down, stiffening up.  But then he texts me the next day, just to talk.  Merely to talk.  To talk about nothing in particular.  He just texts me.  Even when neither of us has something to say, we want to talk.  And I'm scared.  Our friendship – the bulk of which developed through text messages – frightens me a little bit, but I trust him completely.  And I never would have suspected. . . .  But I really do trust him. . . in a way that I don't trust anyone else. . . utterly and completely. . . .  I'm not afraid that he won't have time for me. . . or that he won't care. . . or that he'll get annoyed. . . .  . . .Do you begin to understand?

As for my other friend conflict, it's very different.  It's with the girl that, until recently. . . .  No, even now, I consider her my best friend.  I haven't trusted her with all my secrets, and I suspect I never really will.  The problem, and only reason, is that we are so different.  I mean completely.  She's one of those girls that sees a new pic on Facebook and will comment, "Pretty girl!" or "You're so beautiful, babe!"  I would never, ever, ever, ever do that.  Not for any particular reason, but just because that's not my personality, or my traditional response to anything, or my way of thinking.  I love her, because she is, but she does so many things I can't understand and somethings I just plain don't like – and the feeling is mutual.  But for some reason that we can't explain, we are best friends.  But we recently had a fight over a comment I left on her Facebook profile photo.  I didn't mean it as an insult, but I typed it up in a hurry, realizing the time, and ran out the door to go to work. . . so I didn't realize how mean it sounded. . . .  She was ready to just shrug it off as just another weird thing I say, it seemed, but then her mom saw it.

Now if she had a problem with it, then of course, I'm sorry.  I would not want to hurt her feelings at all, of course.  But the problem was that she texted it to me – and you probably know how confrontations can quickly spiral out of control that way.

Being at work, and having been attacked in such a queer manner (as I'll explain in a minute), I texted right back.  That was my second mistake.  Because confrontations can quickly become nasty and hard to understand through text messages.

Anyway, we had a fight, through text messages, and no matter what I said, I couldn't seem to smooth things over.  Obviously, this should not have happened.  She should have called me.  I should have called her.  Whatever, but it should not have been handled through text messages.  Suffice it to say that we had a big fight.

Fortunately, my car battery was dead.  Fortunately?  Yeah, believe it or not.  I called my dad, who happened to be with my mom just two minutes up the road at the farm stand.  They came to help, just in time for me to completely break down in tears.

There's more, but the point is. . . it was vicious.  And I don't mean they (my friend and her mom) were vicious.  It was vicious.  I had a really emotional moment.  I don't want to continue to dis my friend to the world, but... even though we've tried to communicate since (on the phone or through Skype), for various technical difficulties, we just haven't been able to really talk.  She seems to want to make up, and that's fine with me. . . but what if she just can't see from my perspective?  That's what scares me.  Is it possible that she'll just plain disagree with me?  And I mean, I apologized, so I'm not sure what else she needs from me.  I guess I'm afraid of being vulnerable. . . .

Whoo.  Okay, so that's that.

As for my conflict with myself, I'm going through a spiritual renewal, brought on because of some old, bad mental habits that I developed out of loneliness.  And I'm also trying to figure out who I am. When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize myself.

I finally know what that means – to not recognize myself.  But what I experience isn't like what some movies make it to be.  For me, I look in the mirror and I see a beautiful girl with a little bit of make-up on and clothes that fit and flatter.  I'm happy with my body and I'm proud of myself.  I'm pushing myself in uncomfortable situations, and I'm emerging triumphant.  I don't leave parties feeling ashamed at my ability to be invisible, I don't leave work feeling taken advantage of or disliked, and I don't chase after admiration anymore.  I'm eager to help and get things done, but I don't let other people get lazy.  I will not be invisible.

And that's not the girl I used to know.

~Meggy

Dating – A Semi-Informed Perspective

[Please click HERE to skim over a post I wrote based on a homily I heard on dating.]

Since writing the previous post on dating, I've had a lot of time to think and experience different and new kinds of relationships.  And because I'm a trustworthy Listener, I have heard even more about relationships than I ever care to face myself.  Although I agree that in our world today, society takes dating too seriously, we need to take that into account when we consider where we think our relationships should go.  Not everyone views dating the same way.  I know one guy who is not going to date this semester because he doesn't want that responsibility just now; but when he decides to date, he will ask a girl out on eight increasingly expensive dates and then ask her to be his girlfriend on the last one.  I respect this method very much – but what about the girl?

You see, when two people come together, both have to be taken into account.  I would not have thought of the dating process in that way until he explained it to me; but that was the way he intends to approach dating.  Knowing him, he probably will not easily change his mind if the girl he crushes on has a different idea.  So should he stick to his guns or should he be willing to bend a little bit when a girl comes along?

It would be easy for me to say that I'm not going to date anyone with whom I'm not already good friends.  In fact, I've said before that any guy worth dating is worth having as a friend for life.  But not everyone looks at getting to know the opposite sex that way.  Some consider dating as the way that you get to know whether a guy is worth knowing.  My perspective on relationships does not work that way, however, since I tend to cling with a passionate concern to people I know.  If I've spent time on you, you will always have a bit of my heart in your pocket.  So if a certain way of dating prevents me from being on good terms with you afterward, I don't like it.  "I'm a person; you're a person; let's treat each other with respect."

(I guess I operate on the Catholic principle of ultimate unity in God.  We are all one.  How can there be dissension between us?  I'll, please God, be with them in Heaven someday.)

So while I've often meditated on relationships, and while many have written books, and while Christianity has set many guidelines and rules to live our romances by – I think these are all inherently flawed.  Relationships are between two people; and although there are certain things that are just wrong and should be avoided in relationships, each relationship is different, because each person is different.  From listening to many stories of how couples got together, it would seem that there is no one way to find the perfect someone.  Sometimes it's a guy who just knows at first sight and wants to take you out, and sometimes it's your best friend.  Long distance and online relationships work, too, I've heard.  But the point is, it will work out between the two of you – it'll be right on both ends.

I'm not talking about what "feels right."  I'm talking about what is right to create a solid relationship between two people.  So I think you can read as many authorities on relationships as you want, but I think the search for your spouse – assuming you are in that search – is just like the creation of any other relationship.  It requires time, patience, openness, true love for the other person, and a willingness and ability to do what is best for the both of you.

Emotional chastity comes into play here, as you experiment with where you can be with different people.  Again, I don't think there is any one spot that you should be with all members of the opposite sex.  The more I live, the more I'm convinced that how emotionally involved you are with a person depends on that person.  Some guys are amazing friends – girls, don't let your emotions get all tied up in a guy just because he understands you.  (And ladies, do not neglect your girlfriends whatever you do. The truth is, no matter how much guys and girls were made to complete one another, guys just don't get it.)  As for the gentlemen, well, I can't speak for you so....

But seriously, the more you leave to mystery, the more the other person will have to invest back in you.  On the other end, it is possible to be too mysterious and standoffish.  It takes a balance.  But if we depend on God and make our priority the health and happiness of the other person, I am sure we will succeed in life.

Pray for God's love for man to become yours – keeping in mind what that Love did for us.

~Meggy

All You Need is Love

Hello, world.  I've been so busy and stressed out lately that I've fallen behind in my blog reading.  I'm getting caught up this week, as I'm on break, but it's going to be a while most likely.

I was glad to be home.  I missed my team – my brother and sisters – and I was glad to see my dad.  When I saw my mom, I was glad and a little surprised by her complacent and pleasurable nature.  I was glad to be home.

Flying is so wonderful – and I love flying at night over the cities.  Boston is absolutely amazing at night.  It's like looking at black holes in a star-ridden sky.  When the light hits the water just right, you can see the amazing power contained in the ripples as the wings of the plane nearly dip into them.

But my mother smothers me.  I never felt free to be me and express myself.  She tries to protect me and make sure I don't go wild, but I am wild.  I have to get crazy once in a while.  I have to get obnoxious once in a while and do things that she doesn't entirely approve of.  I'm not talking about sinning – I'm just talking about not being entirely respectable and reserved.  I appreciate her concern and her attempts to keep me pure – so far it has worked fairly well.  But there are things you can do even on your own in a hole in the ground under a rock with no modern resources – whether you realize what you're doing or not.  And if you don't realize what you're doing, the willful sin is not there, but you can get into such a mess.  So my mother may be very protective and careful, but it has left me ignorant in so many ways.

She is my mother so I love her.  But she is so suppressive.  I just want to go back to school where my friends are so I can figure myself out.  I can't do that here anymore – in fact, I never could.  I am shoved so roughly into a mould that I could never figure out just who I am.  In fact, I struggle with that in some of my relationships.  I always thought that either I would be the depressing bore always looking down and trying not to draw attention to myself or I would be the cute little fairy always anxious to please with a smile on my face and a cheerful attitude.  Neither one is the person I want to be but I thought it was inevitable.  Because I thought that who you were was what other people needed you to be.

I am neither of those people.  I am a fun but melancholic sweetheart with a head for trouble and a heart of gold.  My mouth doesn't run out of battery fast enough sometimes and almost never recharges as fast as I'd like.  My heart is so strong that it can build walls in two seconds flat, and my head is so overstimulated that I can scan a room three times and stare right at who or what I'm looking for and not see it.  My body is so insecure that it leans when it is given attention and collapses in confusion when the affection is erratic or discontinued.  I love to smile and I bring joy to those people around me when I do.  People don't mind and even appreciate my sarcasm and cynicism.  People need me and enjoy, even actively seek out my company.  Even when I feel like I've done something incredibly stupid, most people don't appear to be swayed in the least.

I've realized that there is no such thing as an entirely innocent and perfect person.  We all have something locked inside us that makes us weaker than we'd like.  Everyone has an insecurity; everyone has that one person that they try so desperately to please; and everyone is afraid of losing the people near to them.  I can be and am one of those people that a person is afraid to lose.

It still takes me by surprise when someone says, "It's good to see you," or "I've missed you!" or "Want to eat together?"  Because I've been so starved of this attention, I thought that such happenings were rare – at least for someone as pathetic as me.  I always imagined that it would be really special and dramatic.  It's not.  "It's good to see you," doesn't mean that they desperately need you with a passion that will fill your every emotional vacancy.  But that makes it all the more special.  "Want to eat together?" means that he (or she, it doesn't matter) likes to be around you and enjoys the perk you bring to his day.

Most people have a lot of contacts in their phone's contact list.  When someone sends me a casual text, I'm extremely touched; it means I stand out from the rest of the list (except in some cases, in which I begin to suspect that he's just making the rounds and/or his finger randomly picked me this time).

Maybe my blog isn't the place for this.  But I think you can all identify with this in some way.  Again, this is another long rant – my writing seems to tend toward that these days.  I'm more excitable on the outside lately; but inside and on the page, I am deeper and more philosophical.  I have difficult and pressing questions on my heart.  The serious thoughts that fill my head now are very real and deserve my concern.  Before, they were imagined or I had no decision to make: I was stuck and I wanted passion and excitement in my life.

I miss my friends.  They bring such love to my life.  I love my brother and sisters but they are too young and too tied down by the mentality at home to understand.  My friends know I'm broken and know I want to have fun and know that I'm different and unique – and they are 100% okay with that.  What's more, they are not so busy trying to hide their own hurt that they can't be open with me and for me.

If you don't have this blessed miracle now, I pray that someday you do – and even that you have the heartaches that go with it.  It is so beautiful and so pure and so necessary for the human person.

"The LORD GOD said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a suitable partner for him.'"

~Meggy

P.S. Please pray for me and a friend of mine.  We are not on good terms, but I do not think that all is lost.  However, with all humility and pain, I must admit that he has a lot of maturing to do if our friendship is to ever to solidify.  Pray for our mutual maturity and forgiveness and strength and purity.  Anything you can give us I will forever be indebted to you for.  Seeing him fills me with such regret because I know he is struggling far more than I am.  Pray that God fills me with His divine love for this man He has created and that I love him and do all for him for his sake and not for my own.

My First Heartbreak

To all those who have read between the lines, yes, I have a crush on someone.  To all those who just read the last entry on what I've learned about relationships, it wasn't him.

No, this lesson learned came from a boy that was a mere distraction.  When I thought he actually cared about me, I began to fall in love with him.  When I realized that we were heading down a rough path, I began to rethink what we'd been doing.  I decided that we needed to change some things.  Then this past Sunday happened, and I got back to my dorm and had a good cry.  Then I thought of all the times he had made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and I carved him out of my heart.

Good gracious grief, I wish we could go back to the way it was.  He was a great friend until we got flirty.  It spiraled down so fast it was almost a straight line.  I remembered how he never wanted to go to the dances with me; he turned down doing things with me and my friends but later said he watched a movie with his friends; he texted me four nights in a row and then hardly acknowledged my existence for at least as long, making me wonder if I'd done something wrong.  Then he would flirt with me again.  I began to feel like the "easy girl" – the "I feel like flirting, who can I find?" girl, the "I have friends and other things I feel like doing, who needs her?" girl.

Then Sunday happened and he turned on me again.  And I carved him out of my heart and gave that piece back to him through a vague text (which mainly served to establish boundaries), which then only confirmed my fears that he did not wish to continue a friendship.

I don't know what I did.  No, I do know what I did.  But I hope that he realizes, at some point, that I want to forget the flirting and go back to the days when I sat with him when he was feeling ill and encouraged him as he headed off for his test; when he thought I was amazing; when I felt good being with him; when I felt safe being with him.

But as I bared my soul about him to my friend, thoughts of my old crush were revived.  He's not around presently, but the memories of his chivalry and his thoughtfulness won my heart in his absence.  I am careful not to take these feelings too seriously, but I do like him, and I remember why.  And I am anxious to see him again, if only because he has a beautiful smile.

And that is the man the previous posts hinted at.

~Meggy

Notes in My Journal for Next Time

Some things I've learned from my first "almost relationship" in college:

1. Don't let him get too flirty; don't let yourself get too flirty.  Especially at first, don't let it get physical.  You need to be careful of excessive or special hugs even, and very careful of snuggling.  It will not make you closer.  It will only hurt you.
2. If he's a flirt – just straight out, that's his personality – set boundaries.  If he does something that makes you even mildly uncomfortable, don't let him do it.  Don't trick yourself into thinking: "I'm not used to hugging and stuff.  I just need to chill and become more comfortable with touching."
3. If he is unclear and acting weird, don't assume that you did something wrong.  Don't mess up your head trying to figure out what you need to do to smooth things over.  Unless you fought with him or said something wrong, you don't need to do anything to bring him back around to you.  You don't need to tiptoe to please him.
4. If he makes you feel like a princess and then makes you feel like dirt, let go.  You two are through.  However good a person he may be, he is not that "good guy"for you.  You can still be friendly be with him but you need to stop crushing on him.  It doesn't matter that he helped you through rough times.  There are men out there you really do care and will go out of their way for you.  Find some, but don't spill your emotional guts all over them.
5. You are God's princess and He will send you a man who ALWAYS, not just sometimes, makes you feel like a blessed child of God.

~Meggy

Valentine's Day

A Thousand Years

I'm Gonna Be

Why Don't We Just Dance

Everybody

Dating – a (not so) new perspective

What I'm about to say may cause ripple affects within my small community of bloggers.  I hope and pray that the ripples will be favorable when my name is seen in there, but whether it is favorable or not, I feel I have to put this out there.  I know my readers and fellow bloggers that make up my small online community all are looking for satisfaction in the romance department.  I've written posts about it; I've read posts about it; I've read books and articles and heard talks on it.  But I have to say this about everything I thought about relationships – all the answers I got from those sources, although I believed them, left me very unsatisfied and anxious.  What I'm about to say is a little radical.

This is all based off a homily by one of the TORs here on campus, so if you don't like what I have to say, may I just refer you to him?  On the other hand, I'm not just repeating what he said – I believe every word he said with a passionate, grateful relief.

He is a spiritual director to many and, of course, he hears confessions.  He has given more advice on dating and marriage than he probably should have to – some people here are just so stupid.  No offense, because I know I am too.

Let's start with what he said on marriage because I'm pretty sure we can all agree on that and it's wise to start on common ground.

Marriage is for the emotionally and mentally ready, not for those who just fell in love.  Men, are you ready to take care of your wife and child? give up your free lifestyle? get a job and support them at the cost of all else?  Women, have you seen a counselor about your past? whether it was filled with abuse or one night stands or premarital sex of any kind, you need to get it worked out before you get into a serious relationship.  Are you ready to possibly give up your dreams in order to be a homemaker? to raise screaming children? to support your husband as he works hard to support you? to be the heart of your home?  If not, men and women, you cannot get married and assume that it will come in time.

Here's an example of a scenario you may want to consider: Man Roberts meets cute little Woman who goes on compulsive shopping sprees.  The two get married and are living happily.  Then Roberts goes over seas for a tour of duty, putting his life on the line for two years, and leaving his lonely wife at home.  Finally, after two years of serving our country and putting his life on the line, Roberts returns home to find that Mrs. Roberts has spent his entire life savings away.  ...What happens?  It's in times like these that temptations arise – not when everything is going perfectly.  So you have to think of these things.

But how do you find your soulmate?

I've heard this message a lot: "I kissed dating goodbye!"  I think there's even a book titled that.  ...As you probably guessed (especially if you know my writing style), I'm about to debunk that.

But probably not in a way you expect.

The problem with modern day dating is that if a guy asks a girl out on one date, the girl starts looking at wedding dresses (and nowhere is this a bigger problem than on the campus of Franciscan University).  Guys can't even ask girls out for fear of the suggestion being taken as a proposal!  Something my friend has been telling me but that never really got through to me is that you can date just to get to know the other person and figure out if you like them and if you're compatible.  I would like to suggest (and as I do, I'm prepared to duck) that this is a very important concept.

Just about everyone in my corner of the blogosphere swoons over old-fashioned rules of courting.  In fact, just the other day, I read a post about a post on another blog about the courting rules around the time of fiery Anne Shirley.  I found it interesting (although I can't say that I was swooning, as you'll see if you read my comments: Rules of Courting in the 1900s on The Golden Road w/ link to original article).

Therefore, I'm going to try to manipulate you by relying on the romance of calling something "old fashioned" and examine a concept from the 1900s, but a few decades later.  Try about the time of the 40s and 50s.  Maybe the 60s.  They had this concept called "going steady."  Before "going steady," a guy could ask a girl out on a date, ask another girl out on a date, ask a third girl out on a date, ask the second girl out on another date, ask a fourth girl out on a date....  Then, slowly, a guy and girl could become slightly more attached, and at that point, they could "go steady."

The key here is that you meet a lot of different people, and you learn more about people and you learn more about yourself.  You learn about what you're compatible with and what you're not compatible with.  You learn what you're looking for in a spouse and you learn who makes a really good friend – and you learn who doesn't.  But it's important that you don't put your whole heart and soul into that first date.  You're light and free.

Why is this a good idea?  Because (and I'm going to look at it from a girl's perspective here because I am one and so is most of my audience) if you focus all your efforts on just one man and he never asks you out or you go out for a while only to realize you're not made for each other, you've wasted days, weeks, maybe months or even years getting to know only one person and also ruling out everyone else in the name of "faithfulness."

After you go steady for a while (during which each only dates the other), the couple can mutually decide that they're in a serious relationship.  Then after a while, they can mutually agree that this could be heading for marriage.  And eventually, engagement can be a mutual thought.

I know everyone is going to be up in arms because they want their engagement to be a surprise.  But just how surprised do you want to be?  Agreeing that you're ready for it as a couple is not an engagement, it's just a go ahead for the man and a status update for the woman (and I'm not talking about Facebook).

Let me give you an example so that this makes a little more sense and you can better understand why this is genius:

I recently met a very nice guy who has shown a marked interest in me pretty much from the beginning.  Although I like him very much, I'm not particularly attracted to him.  But I'm not going to write him off because how on earth do I know what God has planned?  And just because I have an interest in someone else doesn't mean that it's going to work out.  It would be incredibly dumb to push "Mike" away just because I don't feel anything for him, only to realize after ages of going after someone unreachable how much I actually love "Mike."  And then what could I do after ditching him?

So modern idea of dating?  I still think we should throw it in the trash.  Incredibly-ancient-idea of dating?  I think we should put those knights in shining armor into a novel and snap it shut.  There is a man in shining armor out there, but not just anyone that comes to your door is going to be him.  And maybe you've been overlooking him because you're focusing all your efforts on one person before you even know if that person remembers your name.

And that's basically what the homily was about.  These days, when we should not even be at the "going steady" stage, emotionally we're trying to be at the "serious relationship" stage.

So the Franciscan fantasy (from the girl's perspective) is to find the perfect man, get married right out of college (at the latest), and have nine kids and dress them all in Catholic school uniforms (in the words of Father).  But in our attempt to simplify marriage, we've oversimplified it into a very complicated way of male-female relations.  After all, I'm not exaggerating when I say that people here really do assume marriage is on its way when they see you talking to someone of the opposite sex.  I've done it myself (although I flatter myself, I didn't take it that far).

So there's nothing wrong with being a one-guy girl (or a one-girl guy).  I'm one of those.  But maybe the girls/guys that don't commit right away have something on us.  (Story of my life, right?)  Besides, my friend and I were observing the other day that people become more universally desirable when someone shows an interest in them – not really sure why that is but 'tis true!

Guys and girls should be able to hang out and get to know each other without making a commitment to each other.  So maybe those books on ditching dating are completely and utterly true when taken into context with modern dating.  But that puts way too much pressure on me to reject flirts until I'm sure that I could possibly be interested in them.  Not that that's been much of a problem but you know.

Long story short – really long story short – guy and girl need to be on the same page.  And they need to read those pages slowly.

(I highlighted the sections that are directly from the homily.  The rest are the details that he used and I filled them in best I could, or that I added based on my audience and personal experience.)

~Meggy

EDIT: Read THIS

Continuing with the annoying string of music in honor of Valentines Day:

Enjoy

Singing in the Rain

~Meggy

Vanilla Twilight

~Meggy

It's Fate Baby, It's Fate

~Meggy

You're Awful

~Meggy

I See You

~Meggy

I Fall In Love Too Easily

~Meggy

Your Song

~Meggy