Lately, I've been wanting to be a stronger, more independent woman. I'm turning 21 this year – I want to act my age and be bold and courageous. I want to make a difference and be noticed for my accomplishments.
Lately, it seems like every week, I have an emotional crisis of sorts. I feel I'm not being recognized for my talents and hard work at my job, I feel stuck, I feel depressed that I could have to do something like this every day after college, I feel a temporary emotional distance from my boyfriend, I feel too rushed, I feel like I don't have time to fulfill myself with hobbies and personal time, and I feel like I'm such a pain for being an emotional mess.
After seeing the new Avengers movie recently, I reflected on how strong Natasha is. Of course, she is a human being and a woman so she has weaknesses and emotional troubles like anyone else. But then I saw a picture of a childhood friend receiving an award at her school. And I look around at my friends getting really cool jobs or starting organizations that are making a quantifiable difference. And I'm over here thinking about how much I hate the professional world and just want to raise a family on a farm in the country.
I still want to do that, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm certainly not going to change who I am or my personality. Who I am is who I am, and there's nothing wrong with her. But I decided to work on my frame of mind, the way I think about things.
After some reflection, I decided that instead of trying to change what I do or how, or change my personality, I'm going to focus more on what areas of my personality are strong and develop that. It could be difficult to do, but I want to build myself up rather than ignore how I feel.
I'm strong… when my creative capacities are encouraged.
I'm strong… when someone else is in a bad mood or insults me and I'm able to forgive and stay steady.
I'm strong… when tasks and schedules vary, allowing me to shake things up a bit and stay out of ruts.
I'm strong… about organizing, cleaning, and housekeeping.
I'm strong… in my feelings for other. I want to love and take care of people. I am willing to do anything necessary for a relationship that is worth it (and some that aren't).
I'm strong… when faced with a task no one else wants to do but needs to be done. I can sacrifice myself for others.
I'm going to try to keep working on this list and encourage myself to be strong, inspired by myself.
Showing posts with label Avengers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Avengers. Show all posts
Monday, June 8, 2015
Sunday, May 31, 2015
The Avengers inspire a character sketch
I guess if my goal was to get more page views, I'd have to post something daring again. I'm just going to keep posting about my life.
Wow that sounded pessimistic.
My biggest writing weakness over the past year – probably longer – has been character development. As I may have mentioned recently, I became more focused on the mechanics of writing and my characters were born dead. It's been a frustrating journey – do you know how many operations and sweat and tears are needed to revive dead characters? Well, a lot.
After just recently seeing the latest Avengers movie, I had an epiphany. You know, it's one of those epiphanies you should have had ages ago, but didn't? I love looking at character development (one of the reasons I lost a lot of love for Frozen) and Stark had a moment or two that stuck in my brain.
Disclaimer: I should clarify that I have not watched or read a lot of Marvel. One character I don't know very well is Stark.
But he had this *spoiler alert* "revelation" that he would not only be the cause of the deaths of all his friends but that he would survive them. And it really ate into his heart.
But what I really loved about that is that his desire to "break up the Avengers" and finally bring permanent peace to earth was not a power thing. It wasn't, "I just cleaned up this mess – can you keep it clean for 10 minutes?!" This revelation revealed that in his heart he wants everyone to be safe, especially his friends, and he doesn't want their lives on his hands. He can seem so cavalier but he has a soft and broken side – and his stupid, pig-headed choices stem from that brokenness. It's not two separate downfalls; it's actually one.
And that idea suddenly set me on fire. Something finally clicked. I sat down and began fleshing out my characters for my latest story idea, making notes in the margins for possible tests they have to face based on their specific weaknesses and "strengths." Because so many of my subscribers are experienced and excellent writers themselves and many of the bloggers I read are too, this probably won't be especially revolutionary or cause too many ripples in the pond; but if it helps one person like it is me, my pride is satiated.
Of the three characters I have worked on (the three main characters), Erron is proving the most difficult. His story has progressed since his conception and sadly, his prognosis is not good. His time is limited, he's dying but won't tell anyone, and he's crushing on a girl, hopelessly – turns out she's "immortal" and is devoted to her not-immortal dead husband. Not only will she choose not to marry Erron but she will also strongly advise him to not accept the gift offered him of immortality. I believe, in a moment of strength, he will take her advice and go home to bless his sister's marriage and meet his nephew before finally, and heroically, biting the dust.
He still needs some fleshing out, but here's what I've got:
Greatest desire: [his goal in life] fame, to be in legend, live on in story
Greatest dream: [if his life could be what it certainly never can] live to be a wise old mentor
Greatest fear: losing sister or leaving her vulnerable, becoming useless/forgotten (see greatest pride)
Greatest embarrassment: [something he doesn't like to talk about; doesn't have to be a regret] abusive mentor; the deaths his quests caused (and his failing health)
Greatest pride: [what does he pride himself on?] agility and athletic skill (see greatest fear), secret-keeping, saving an old man and his daughter (from a fire?)
Greatest weakness: pride and depression; feeling alone and takes charge because he knows what others don't (secrecy); glory
Greatest strength: love for his sister, ability to assess strengths and weaknesses in others and in situations, strategy and planning
As you can see, I have a few things listed in each category even though I say "greatest." My point in saying greatest is to focus on the deep issues. For example, one of his "embarrassments," for the purpose of this character sketch, is not that he doesn't like to pee in the woods or sleep in front of other people (neither of which were on the table until just now… hmmmm…), but rather, the things that he feels too vulnerable to mention – the wounds that drive his flaws and mettle.
Also, for pride, I tend to mention personality qualities, which I think is good, but I also made a point of choosing an accomplishment or deed that the character was proud of.
My own self-awareness helped a little in differentiating between these categories, but as I worked on my characters, I wondered what God's character sketch of me would look like. Interesting question, no? I haven't actually spent the time to fill one out on myself, but I should.
Anyway, back to Erron – I'm making progress with his character sketch but I'm still struggling to really get to know him. Although I suppose that's the irony of it. Thoughts welcome.
~Meggy
Wow that sounded pessimistic.
My biggest writing weakness over the past year – probably longer – has been character development. As I may have mentioned recently, I became more focused on the mechanics of writing and my characters were born dead. It's been a frustrating journey – do you know how many operations and sweat and tears are needed to revive dead characters? Well, a lot.
After just recently seeing the latest Avengers movie, I had an epiphany. You know, it's one of those epiphanies you should have had ages ago, but didn't? I love looking at character development (one of the reasons I lost a lot of love for Frozen) and Stark had a moment or two that stuck in my brain.
Disclaimer: I should clarify that I have not watched or read a lot of Marvel. One character I don't know very well is Stark.
But he had this *spoiler alert* "revelation" that he would not only be the cause of the deaths of all his friends but that he would survive them. And it really ate into his heart.
But what I really loved about that is that his desire to "break up the Avengers" and finally bring permanent peace to earth was not a power thing. It wasn't, "I just cleaned up this mess – can you keep it clean for 10 minutes?!" This revelation revealed that in his heart he wants everyone to be safe, especially his friends, and he doesn't want their lives on his hands. He can seem so cavalier but he has a soft and broken side – and his stupid, pig-headed choices stem from that brokenness. It's not two separate downfalls; it's actually one.
And that idea suddenly set me on fire. Something finally clicked. I sat down and began fleshing out my characters for my latest story idea, making notes in the margins for possible tests they have to face based on their specific weaknesses and "strengths." Because so many of my subscribers are experienced and excellent writers themselves and many of the bloggers I read are too, this probably won't be especially revolutionary or cause too many ripples in the pond; but if it helps one person like it is me, my pride is satiated.
Of the three characters I have worked on (the three main characters), Erron is proving the most difficult. His story has progressed since his conception and sadly, his prognosis is not good. His time is limited, he's dying but won't tell anyone, and he's crushing on a girl, hopelessly – turns out she's "immortal" and is devoted to her not-immortal dead husband. Not only will she choose not to marry Erron but she will also strongly advise him to not accept the gift offered him of immortality. I believe, in a moment of strength, he will take her advice and go home to bless his sister's marriage and meet his nephew before finally, and heroically, biting the dust.
He still needs some fleshing out, but here's what I've got:
 |
| Via… |
Greatest dream: [if his life could be what it certainly never can] live to be a wise old mentor
Greatest fear: losing sister or leaving her vulnerable, becoming useless/forgotten (see greatest pride)
Greatest embarrassment: [something he doesn't like to talk about; doesn't have to be a regret] abusive mentor; the deaths his quests caused (and his failing health)
Greatest pride: [what does he pride himself on?] agility and athletic skill (see greatest fear), secret-keeping, saving an old man and his daughter (from a fire?)
Greatest weakness: pride and depression; feeling alone and takes charge because he knows what others don't (secrecy); glory
Greatest strength: love for his sister, ability to assess strengths and weaknesses in others and in situations, strategy and planning
As you can see, I have a few things listed in each category even though I say "greatest." My point in saying greatest is to focus on the deep issues. For example, one of his "embarrassments," for the purpose of this character sketch, is not that he doesn't like to pee in the woods or sleep in front of other people (neither of which were on the table until just now… hmmmm…), but rather, the things that he feels too vulnerable to mention – the wounds that drive his flaws and mettle.
Also, for pride, I tend to mention personality qualities, which I think is good, but I also made a point of choosing an accomplishment or deed that the character was proud of.
My own self-awareness helped a little in differentiating between these categories, but as I worked on my characters, I wondered what God's character sketch of me would look like. Interesting question, no? I haven't actually spent the time to fill one out on myself, but I should.
Anyway, back to Erron – I'm making progress with his character sketch but I'm still struggling to really get to know him. Although I suppose that's the irony of it. Thoughts welcome.
~Meggy
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