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Merry Christmas, y'all.  ....I guess I kind of want to apologize for my lack of enthusiasm – I was busy beforehand, and now I'm just tired.  Soooooooooo tired.  And sick.  Finally, after all the coughing going on around here, I've begun to feel miserable.  Oh, my spirits are high – that's one good thing.  And I just want to do something, but I'm too tired and weary.  All my body wants to do is eat or sleep, but I don't actually want to do either.  –In that complicated, restlessness way sickness has.

On another topic:
In a previous post, I mentioned that I am on Facebook now.  I like it a lot – it's handy for the little things you want to share with your friends.  But it's dangerous.  It can be addicting, and it can be disappointing.  I put things on Facebook because I'm bored and/or lonely.  But checking Facebook does not satisfy my need for attention.  It's not really interaction – it's like a bulletin board at the office.  It's much better to talk to your coworkers than to leave them bulletins.  I've come to really miss everybody I used to see every day – now they occasionally put something on Facebook and so I know that they're still alive and I smile when I read what they share.  But something is really missing in online interaction.

"Addiction to Likes" is not a theory.  Or a myth, or an exaggeration.  ....But that's all I'm saying on that matter. ;)

But I know that Facebook really helps to keep some people in touch – certain relatives have mentioned to me that they are grateful for my online presence because it makes them feel like they're still part of my life and I'm a part of theirs, while physically I'm miles away.

~Meggy

The Grand Hall

It was nearing 1 o’clock in the morning and the sliver of moon provided minimal light to their journey.  Many of the street lamps were not lit.  They scampered from shadow to shadow, never walking directly into the light cast by the glowing street lamps or lighted windows.  Erin’s eyes investigated every sound, checking over her shoulder.  Something exploded two streets over to the east, and just around the corner, a mob was stirring up trouble; but Aidan Roby led her round about in a very zig-zagging pattern.  They saw no one except a beggar hunched over, his hands covered in a frightening skin condition.  Aidan Roby tossed him a crust of bread and they hurried onward.

Their path grew darker as they neared the palace.  The street before the gates was completely black with the nighttime.  Aidan Roby took her by the arm and roughly drew her into the thick of the darkness.  Erin held her free arm before her and took careful steps on the uneven cobblestone.  When he let her go, he cautioned, “Don’t move – just a moment.”  Then he struck flint and a lantern fizzed into life.

The light revealed wrought-iron gates fifteen-feet tall, the design too closed to let even cats through.  Aidan Roby pushed it open and stood back to usher her ahead of him.

They scurried across an open space, unhindered, and Erin was prevented from crashing into the door only by Aidan Roby’s hand on her arm.  He took a key from a chain around his neck and clicked it through the lock.  The magnificent wooden doors swung open wide, unbarring the way to a great hall – large, wonderful, and mysterious.

Their shoes made displeasing noises on the floor, which echoed all through the cavernous hall.    The ceiling high above was plastered with paintings of cherubim floating among the clouds, revealed by large flickering chandeliers, which cast an eerie glow on the stone walls and mirrors.  Various surfaces shined and shimmered; and great columns trapped the luminescence within their boundaries, ruling over the hall with their grand design and splendor.

“I have never set foot here before,” Erin said, “and my father’s descriptions could never have prepared me for this.  What is this place?”

“It is the grand hall,” said Aidan Roby.  His voice, like hers, was hushed; but still it carried like a giant or a mighty king.  “This is where the king’s finest guard was used to stand, decked out in the epitome of flamboyance to impress visitors.  Often great balls were held in this same hall.”

“It’s magnificent,” she breathed.

~Meggy

Hobbit Hole

Okay, as long as everybody is writing about "The Hobbit," I feel I might as well get my share.  A lot of fans have a lot to say about the parallels to the books – I'm not even gonna go there.  I, long ago, accepted that movies can be different from the books and still be unbelievably good.  Having not read "The Hobbit" in quite a long time, I can't remember its perfections.  So I went into that movie with an open mind as far as the plot and lines were concerned.  And I thought it was amazing.

I was disappointed that the eagles weren't nearly as impressive as in ROTK, and some of the falls were a little... *ahem*... "What are you trying to pull?"  But that hardly put a dent in its awesomeness.  Gollum was killmenow awesome; Galadriel wasn't nearly as creepy – I fell in love with her finally; Elrond was endearing; Bilbo was perfect; the dwarves were great.  The music – THE MUSIC!!!

Depending on who you ask, the movie changed the plot from the book to varying degrees – but you have to admit that sometimes things have to be altered to fit the big screen.  No matter what they did, if you're a fan, you're gonna love certain aspects of the books way more than how its done in the movies. But it just doesn't work that way.  Narration techniques differ for the two mediums.  But I value the disappointment some fans have that certain lines or character personalities were not left unchanged.

And some fans were a little, shall we say, disturbed, by what was going on between Galadriel and Gandalf? I must say, it quite escaped my notice except as a very pleasing scene.  I loved their relationship – I don't think they necessarily had to be "flirting," or whatever it is y'all were thinking – just playing, as old friends do.  Now that you've got me thinking about it, all I can say is I expect it won't go any further than that.

Other than that, I'm going to try to restrain myself from saying anything "controversial."  Anyone reading this right now has probably already seen the movie and so has his own opinion.  And assuming that is so, he doesn't want to read something that is contrary to his own opinion – he wants something that affirms his opinion of it as great, fair to middling, or meh-okay.

All I'll say to close is I might just declare certain people as my friends so I can go see it again with someone.  <3

And perhaps I'll write a real review some day....

~Meggy

I'm a GREAT!

Let me just say, first, that it is an honor to get this award – no, really, it is.  I couldn't help but wonder, lately, if I'm wasting my time; it's a common worry of mine.  But apparently not!  That's very reassuring.  So thank you, Rose M., for thinking of me.  "One of the Greats!"  Wow.  I'm scared now – how can I live up to this?

Well, anyway, here are the rules (as per Rose):

Rules...

1. Copy & paste the award to your blog.
2. Answer the questions given below (everyone answers the same questions every time).
3. Award 1-5 bloggers who are some of your favorites, give a quick description of why you chose them, and let them know you tagged them!
4. Edit: No tagging back!  :P

And the questions are:

Questions...

What are some of your tips for the background of blogs?  Layout, colors, etc.?

I would sum up my experience with blog design by just saying "keep trying."  Look at my blog, and if you like the design, well, good – then my advice is worth taking.  If it's just plain ugly today, check back in a month: it'll have probably changed by then.  Just don't be afraid to try something that appeals to you.  When I'm searching for something new, I'm usually drawn by something dark and mysterious and creative – sadly, that usually creates an unwelcoming blog (not the creative bit).  Experiment until you find out what works.

What are your favorite blog topics to write about?  Book reviews, baking, everyday life, sewing, etc.?

I really like to write about everyday life, when everyday life strikes me in such a way as is able to be written.  Often times, a blog post turns out to be nothing but a vent for something I am feeling but am afraid to share.  I also like to write reviews because it's fun telling the world my opinion like it's fact – and dressing it up with pictures.

What are some of your favorite blog topics to read?

I love to read blog topics about life – just random stuff all jumbled together, usually with a point (even if said point is hard to point at with a pin).  However, if the post is too rambly and does not relate to my life whatsoever, I get bored fast.  And although the idea of putting down the minute details of the "while I'm typing this" (my outfit, the sounds I hear, the weather, my thoughts, what I'm reading, etc.) – although writing all that sounds fun and intrigues me, I'm frequently... bored out of my skull actually reading what someone else put down about all that stuff.  Maybe if the paragraphs were shorter???  Other people seem to like them....  :/

What is your biggest blogging tip for newbies?

Unless you go viral, you're safe.  Chances are, you can delete what you wrote a year ago and never see it again.  But don't assume that anyone is going to be hopping to read whatever the heck you have to say.  When they do start bouncing, that's when you have to get worried.  Just be careful what you put out there, because if you use your blog to be immature or if you treat it like twitter with more symbol space, you're not going to be very popular.  There's lots of stuff out there – turn them off and they're gone.  And whatever you do, don't make your readers jump through hoops.

Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging because I was alone in the world.  I didn't make friends very well because I'm under-presumptuous.  I'm also a writer – words are my bread and butter.  So a lonely writer has to write!  And when you get bored of keeping everything to yourself, you go WWW, as we all know (and can see every day with the popularity of YouTube).



As for awarding it, I have some ideas:

• I'm sure this will be very unoriginal, but I'm going to award Rose M. at The Golden Road.  I do love your blog, and I love your "artsy-ness" – we seem to share artistic taste.  So, if I haven't already, I'd also like to bestow upon you: 

Go here for the rules if you wish, or just take it and run.  ;)

• Elestyn at Soaring High: Although you haven't been too active lately, I remember I always used to enjoy your blog.  You like beautiful music, pictures, and movies – I loved just looking at your blog – and the design is so simple but so lovely.

• Rosamund at Shoes of Paper, Stockings of Buttermilk: You seem to put a lot of thought into your posts.  I really liked your old title, but your current one is so cute.

Okay, that's all I've got.  I didn't want to award anyone who has already been awarded and I didn't want to give it away without serious thought (thank you, Rose, for allowing 1 to 5 instead of a finite number).  Have fun, everyone!

~Meggy

Easy Marinara Sauce

– 1/4 cup olive oil
– 1 1/2 teaspoons red pepper flakes
– 1/2 teaspoon salt
– 3 garlic cloves, chopped

Saute together.  (Be careful not to burn the pepper flakes – have the garlic ready.)

Add one 28once can of crushed tomatoes.  Stir in until bubbling.  Done!

I don't remember exactly how much this makes, but I know it feeds a family of six and then some!

(For meat lovers, mix in some pre-made sausage.)

Add salt and pepper to your liking – but I warn you, taste first!

~Meggy

"I Was There When It Was Written"

We have an incredible God.  He created everything we see around us and even everything around us we cannot see.  He made us, He made our personalities, He made the laws by which the world operates by, and keeps it going.  When I pray, I sometimes like to pledge my loyalty by putting my hand over my heart, and I just feel my heart beat as it pumps life throughout me.  Maybe because I'm small, it gives me a very real sense of vulnerability.  I read, once, that it is God's constant thinking of us that keeps us existing.  If ever He forgot about us – if ever He could – we would cease to exist entirely.  In a very real sense, God is always thinking of us.  He singlehandedly keeps the entire universe in actuality.

He created the laws of science, the laws of mathematics, the laws of aesthetics, and the laws of euphonies.  He made all things physical and intangible.  He has described emotions in the language we have never spoken, and we have personalities because that is how He loved us, thought of us, created us.  He placed us exactly where He needed us to be.  He has always known when, how, why we would come into being.  He has always known what, when, why we would fail.  He has always known what would be our saving grace.  He has always known when we would struggle, and He arranged those struggles to coincide with events that would help us.  He arranged those events to coincide with our struggles.  They have always been, because He is all-knowing, never planning.  When you pray to God for an answer, all the time, He knows what is about to happen to give you peace of mind.  He knew long ago what you would cry for and He arranged a gift to make you smile again.

That is why Christmas is such a mystery.  Obviously, God has absolute control over EVERYTHING.  He can do whatever He likes.  So why would He come in the form of a man in order to save us?  He knew before the beginning of time that Adam and Eve would turn away from Him, and that all their descendants would do likewise.  But He created each one anyway.  He could have prevented Adam and Eve from turning away from Him, but He didn't.  He could have incinerated the snake; He could have disolved the tree; heck, He could have used ultimate mind control to manipulate Eve's thoughts.  He could do that each time we have spite toward Him or His creation.  He could control us like puppets.

But instead, He became man.  He weaved Himself into the flesh of His own creation – becoming His own creation.  He suffered the trials of everyday life; He suffered rejection; He suffered mean thoughts and evil actions; He suffered more pain than most come anywhere close to – and He didn't have to.  But He loves us so much that He wanted us to make our own decision; He wanted our love for Him to be true; He wanted to be among us and share our trials, pain, and joys.

When He said to His followers, "You must eat my flesh and drink my blood," everyone left Him.  Paint the picture – God stood on earth, ready to die needlessly to save our souls, and He watched as everyone rejected Him.  And He let them.  He just let them.  He could have changed their minds for them without lifting a finger; but he didn't do that.  And who among us could do the same?  I know I wouldn't.  If I had that power, I know I would use it.

That's why Christmas is so exciting and miraculous.  "God-made-man" is mystery enough, but why God would trouble Himself on our level is beyond any of us – it's a love this earth may never comprehend again.

~Meggy

An Informal Introspection

Being alone.

It's... it's just not good for you.  Sure, you can do it, but it's just not good for you.  You develop a view of life where you just take yourself too seriously.  Even when you're laughing at yourself, you just take yourself too seriously.  You are happiness.  You are joy, peace, love.  You are virtue; you are sin.  You are depression; you are hard work; you are rest.  You cease to be yourself; you become what you do.  You're alone – people no longer hurt you, but you drag yourself down.  You hate yourself when you are evil; you're on top of the world when you are goodness.  Nothing anyone can say to you can hurt you because it actually makes no difference what they think – you are what you do.

You can live your whole life single; just don't be alone.  People will hurt you – I guarantee that everyone you meet will hurt you if you take little things to heart.  But it is worth it.  Because you doubt yourself; you question life; you want to sit and just cry.  But you doubt yourself – that's very important.  Not just because it forces you to put yourself in God's hands – you can be a hermit and do that.  It's because when you live your life alone, you don't doubt yourself – you only change yourself.  You don't like something about yourself – you you change it and become someone else – because that something was you, until you changed to something else.  When you have friends, you realize that your quirks are valuable – maybe you don't have to rearrange your whole existence in order change one thing that you don't like.

There's nothing wrong with being independent.  There's nothing wrong with loving a secluded life.  There's nothing wrong with being afraid of people – you darn right should be.  They will prove to you things you don't want to admit.  For one thing, you have value outside of what you do.  For another, that trait that you've struggled with all your life because it's just so deeply ingrained in your being?  There are people who are more than happy to accept and understand you.  What's more, you'll fall hopelessly in love, and you'll find yourself questioning everything you do, hoping that it's the right thing to avoid fading into the sea of faces.  And you'll do things that you would have been too proud and too shy to have done before, but it'll work.  And you'll cry yourself to sleep in agony and bliss.

At the same time.

And what's more, you'll fall in love with yourself.  You'll kick yourself until you're black and blue, but you'll love yourself to death.  And you'll love other people to death like you've never loved before.  –If you just be yourself.  Or rather, if you let yourself shine through you – because it's yourself that's been the trouble all these years.  Just don't be alone.  Or you'll cover yourself up.  You'll wither and die underneath the facade of what you do.

So be embarrassed.  So hate yourself.  So bury your head under your pillow and wish the day never happened.  Fidget with regret at a lost opportunity.  It's those moments that make up living; it's the lack of those moments that make up existing.

With tremendous love,

 Self

don't have time to name this......

– "I have a feeling we're going to be friends." – "I think you're going to be my best friend." –

Believe it or not, it hurts when people say this to me, because half the time they don't really mean it.  Well, that is, they probably mean it at the time, but then they sort of just exclude me from their lives – not intentionally, but I never get to know them.  What I'm about to say is going to sound like boasting, but I think they say we'll be friends because I'm good at listening and I'm quiet, a good listener; I've got my feet on the ground (for the most part :P ) and I have a wide range of interests – so I can share opinions with a lot of people.  But I'm not talkative, and I stand in one place too long.  The people I most want to get to know are dancing all around me but, like when you're in a hurry and you rush right by something without even noticing it, they dance and move on without seeing me.

As a result, I spend a lot of my time praying.  I can't get to know them and I can't listen to their problems, but I can pray for them; and in that way, I feel like I'm close to them – even though they never see me, even though they never know me.  I go on hoping that someday they'll return the favor, after this world has gone, and we will rejoice in each others company.

To clarify, I hope that I can be friends with everyone, but sometimes I'm just too standoffish for them, or, in my anxiety to be their friend, I say the wrong thing and it puts them off.  Whatever the reason, I'm a friend to them in love.  <3

****

On a completely different note, college has left its impression on me.  What with that and Christmas, this blog is going to undergo some changes – and yes, I know I just changed the background a few weeks ago.  But I'm NOT HAPPY.  Just darn unhappy with it all.  Already the banner has changed, and soon the whole blog will get a makeover, but it's nearing finals, so please pray for me because I just know I'm going to want to work on this instead of studying!!!

Also pray for a few of my friends – who I don't want to name for their sake – who seem to be stressed as finals draw near.  Also pray for me, if you've got an extra moment to spare.  My mind is calm (though sleepy), but my body is definitely showing signs of stress.  A friend of mine asked me, very nicely, if I've suffered from anorexia in the past, bless her heart.  No, I haven't, but probably only by the grace of God.  Under stress, I completely lose my appetite, and it's been pretty obvious lately.  So please pray for college students over the next couple of weeks!

~Meggy

Wild and Beautiful

The crush.  It's wild and it's beautiful.  It's hard and it's painful.  It's a stepping stone from fondness to madness.  It's common for some; for others, infrequent and long.  Which is worse?  The latter is deeper, more disruptive when uprooted; the former takes regular beatings, regular wear and tear.

The crush.  It's wild and it's beautiful.  It's crazy.

The wise would choose a lasting relationship – even if it means suffering in silence – even if it means hushing a beautiful secret.  It's a secret that can destroy the bearer.  It's a secret that can drive her mad.  It's a secret that can teach her the meaning of sacrifice.

The crush – the fulcrum of authentic love.

~Meggy

Holy Mary, our Mother and Queen, pray for us.

Oh, computer geeks, how I envy thee....

*sigh*

I'm a little frustrated with my computer illiteracy.  In actuality, I'm not all that computer illiterate – I'm just not as "up-to-date" as many others are.  I haven't a clue when it comes to different kinds of phones or makes of laptops.  I've got stinkin' 10.6 on my plain ole MacBook, and I haven't altered the RAM or bought an extra hard drive.  I mean, heaven knows, I could stand to, the way I use my computer (although, the way I use my computer, I could stand to put it in a three-inch thick protective life vest), but I've only got this beat-up MacBook with the plain essentials.  And when I try updating stuff and changing settings and so on and so forth... I get easily befuddled and overly cautious.  I'm quite good with electronics, really, but my self-esteem is low in regards to them – especially because my resources are limited, and if I screw up big time, someone is going to have to help me fix it – at possibly great inconvenience to them.

Other than that, well, it's late and I'm tired and cold, and I want attention.  ...That's new.  Well, not really.  I've often wanted attention – that's what triggered my depression usually.  But before, I didn't have anyone to turn to.  Now I know lots of people.  But it's not possible, practical, or else not comfortable texting them and saying, "I need to do something.  Want to get together?"  The people I'm close enough to are studious.  Everyone else I don't know well enough to 1) ask; 2) ask at 10:30 at night.  Even if I just went to the JC and studied there, alone, I'd feel better than shut up in my room.  But I just took a shower and I'm not really presentable.  And it's late.  And I have to study and I recently realized there's a party in the JC tonight.  Wish I'd remembered that before I showered.

So those are my thoughts tonight as I sit alone here in my room.  Rather depressing thoughts.  But I'm not all that depressed – at least, not depressed as I know it.  Just... tired.  Worn.  Lonely.  Hungry; ravenous for more love.  And another box of Nerds isn't gonna do it....

I don't know if I've shown this before – but tough.  It's a pick-me-up song!

~Meggy

Una Mariah - what a lovely name

I've been awarded again – the "Artsy Award," which is funny, I think.  Am I really that artsy?  I suppose some would say so, but I had no idea it came through on my blog.

Anyway, I was awarded by the lovely Rose M. from The Golden Road.  You know the usual rules: if you're awarded, link back to your judge, answer the questions and then make some up for the next person, and award more people.  Because I know you're probably about to just scroll down to the bottom and find out if I awarded you (if you haven't already), when you get back, let me assure you that I do not obligate you with the responsibilities of said rules.  Although that defeats the object and takes all the fun out of it, I swear this award has come through me three times now – it's had its day and it may be time to move on.  As wonderful as it is to receive awards, when you begin to get the same reward more than once, it rather loses its charm.

So the five questions that Rose left for me are:

1. Ice cream or cookies?
2. Would you rather be sitting inside by a crackling fire, reading a good book, and sipping hot chocolate or outside in the dark, surrounded by friends, and playing a a night game of capture the flag?
3. Who is your favorite author?
4. Are you a Science/Math kind of person or English/History?
5. What is the most common phrase, quote, or saying that you use in everyday life?

Well, the first is surprisingly tough.  My first instinct is to say ice cream, because even when I've eaten way too much at dinner or if I'm feeling sick, ice cream is just the thing.  It really is.  My mother might declare it improbable, but I think all ice cream comes from a magic fairy's factory and is charmed to have healing qualities.  On the other hand, sometimes I want one of my famous peanut butter cookies, or a sugary tea cookie to dip in my tea or cocoa.  (By the way, I've been using cocoa instead of hot chocolate for some time now, but here at college, I feel like I get a funny look every time I use it.  I know that the last time I was in a diner in Virginia and I ordered cocoa, I got a Coke.  Maybe the word cocoa is even less popular here than back home?)

Anyway, I love crackling fires, books, and "hot chocolate".  All together, they make a great team.  And I think I'll have to choose that one; because as much as I like the dark, and friends, and games, they tend to stress me out after a good length of time.  I love sitting by a fire with a friend and just talking, especially when I get the sense that this friend is totally excepting of anything I have to say.

Ah!  The burning question!  Whenever someone finds out that I like to read, they ask, quite naturally, "Who's your favorite author?"  At that point, I blush and say shyly, "I know it sounds pathetic but I don't have one."  I used to be a big fan of Diana Wynne Jones, but her style began to rub me the wrong way.  It lacked eloquence, especially when read aloud.  I love C.S. Lewis, but I don't run out and try to read everything he's ever written.  I love Tolkien, but I haven't finished any of his works.  I haven't read G.K. Chesterton, but I've got an overwhelming sense that I should.
Edit: the true mark of a reader is not whether she has a favorite author but whether she smells the pages of her books  <3

Now, Science/Math or English/History.  I'm afraid I never was much interested in History.  Names and dates tend to get lost.  It's like reading a play without understanding how it would look when staged, confusing the characters and not understanding the time period.  But I almost majored in English.  Science has, for a long time, baffled me, but I've always been fascinated by how the world works.  For example, if you're on a skateboard and you jump, you'll land a foot or two ahead of where you took off.  But if you're standing and someone's skateboard comes rolling down the hill toward you, you land in the same spot, as the skateboard rolls on under you.  Or if you're sitting in a car, you seem to be essentially motionless, but you're actually moving 30mph.  And if the car screeches to a halt, you keep going until your seat belt catches you.  Isn't that incredible?  Physics.  As for Math, well, I wish I could understand numbers but I'm afraid it's a lot like learning Chinese.  ....And I have a feeling I'd be a lot better a learning Chinese than I am at learning Math.

Lately, "Tough" has been creeping back into my vocabulary – after a long hiatus.  I predict, however, that I may start using it in some rather inappropriate moments so it's got to go back to wherever it crept from.  "Like" has most annoyingly penetrated my vocab.  I'm not sure why, because I don't think anyone I hang out with uses it much, but suddenly I do.  I, like, have always found it, like, annoying when people, like, use it, like, pretty much every other, like, word.  It distracts from the point of the sentence and nullifies the legitimacy.  As for an actual saying: "You cannot, sir, take from me anything that I would more willingly part withal."

I think that should sufficiently answer those questions, although I'm sure you would have been content with three-word answers.  But where's the fun in that for me?

Mad Elvish Poet

Kathleen

Victoria

Rosamund Gregory

Una Mariah

I dub thee'all "Artsy".  Now go – out into the world to be so.  And while you're on your most holy quest, answer these five questions:

1. If you were offered a place in the quest to find the Holy Grail, would you go?
2. If you were offered a ride by a man in a blue box, would you accept?
3. If you found yourself on the bridge of the USS Enterprise, would you fly willingly through the cosmos?
4. If you saw Brego galloping in haste, would you follow him?
5. If you overheard someone say, "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark," would you run to the castle to save the prince?

And with that, I leave you one final warning, passed down through the ages, found on the last bit of scroll from the time of the wars:

Fritos × breakfast = not as good as it sounds

Good luck.

~Meggy

 

 

Intro...Extro

I am on Facebook these days, and I find myself checking it all the time.  I can't even access it on my phone and I still look at it all the time.  It's worse than email.  It's become a kind of addiction.  It's become exactly the thing I feared it would, which is why I avoided it so long.  Social networks are great, I don't dispute, and they prove useful; but they can be a real problem.

What I really feared – because it's the argument against social networking sites – is posting my "status" a lot.  I think that it can get really stupid sometimes.  Perhaps not for all people.  But if the general human population is like me, they share stuff online because they like to share.  We all like to share experiences with friends.  I guess that's why storytelling is such an ancient tradition.  But you hear all the time about men changing their status during the wedding ceremony and women sharing their blueberry yogurt.  That seems to reflect a pathetic experience of existence.

Not everybody is that bad, but what's to stop you from getting there?  Manners, I guess; a sense of time and place.  But when I'm sitting at my desk – theoretically studying – and I get bored, what's to stop me from just posting about that?  A sense of ridiculous?  ...Hopefully I still have that sense at 1 o'clock in the morning.

But the urge to do that stems from a need to feel less alone.  I want people, even if those people are really far away and I can only connect with them through colored pixels on my computer screen.  Not too long ago, impending human company weighted my heart with the tremendous pressure from many sides to be social and loveable by all.  Being ignored, although it was a half existence, left me in security and relief.  I didn't have to worry about what other people thought.  Now being left alone is the last thing I want.  I used to have strength in approaching difficulties alone – I was a rock, I was an island – now, I'd rather have a sympathetic friend along to back me up.

We've talked about this concept in one of my classes and how not loving saves us from pain.  I've tasted both cups, and it's true.  Isolation means a lot less speculation and tiptoeing.  But it also lacks happiness.  It means never jumping up and down, never knowing that there are people out there who would like to like you.  It means rarely getting compliments, taking those you get as a king would the praises from a peasant.  It sounds ugly, doesn't it?

I swear I'm not all that bad.  I try to be nice to everybody, and talkative.  I just can't be talkative.  So when my uncle's mother-in-law turns her nose at my quiet presence, I cringe, because I know there's nothing I could do that could make her like me.  I'm quiet.  I have very little to say about her bit of gossip.  And I don't enjoy bantering with someone who has no give-and-take.  In fact, I was raised not to argue with my elders; so sorry, I was raised to be respectful.

A lot of people have respected me for my silence, but that didn't mean they liked me.  Some people get to know me, and I can only guess that they like me.  But do you see the silent man's dilemma?  He can either be taken to be unfeeling, insensitive, proud, selfish, uninterested; or some see him as very wise and as a deep thinker.  In reality, he may be neither of these things.  In reality, he's probably just not as inclined as others to lay himself out on the table until a certain point has been reached.

Now, the other side makes no sense to me whatsoever.  I just got off of Skype with my family, and most of that time, my mother was staring at another computer screen.  But when I asked her if she was even listening to me, she repeated my last paragraph nearly word for word.  I just don't get that.  How on earth do people do that?  Seems like a useful skill.  Whereas my dad turns off the TV and looks right at me while he's talking.  Now that I get.  He's obviously paying attention.  But so is my mom.  I just don't know it.

But I talked to a friend who takes my mother's view of life, and it really helped me to appreciate their point of view.  All I can say is they seem to have a very hyper interest in the world around them.  I'm deeply fascinated by the world, but my sight is narrow and focused.  I've come to love extroverted people because they will come over and say hi; whereas an introverted person might pretend not to have seen you if it's not easy to attract your attention.  But then the extroverted person might run away with the breeze at any time, leaving me confused: "He stopped by, but then he didn't even say goodbye – or wait for me to finish my sentence."  I'm not thinking poorly of him – I'm just confused.  It seems... unfinished.  An introverted person, on the other hand, might seem to be ignoring you at times but will make you the focus of his attention once you're in it (and give a conclusion to your conversation).  That can be uncomfortable if you don't have much to say, and you might not get the "high" off him that you got off the extrovert.

 

But sometimes extroverted people think the introverted person is depressed, and sometimes the introverted people think the extroverted person is far too hyper to possibly notice an introverted person.  Can the two be friends?  Well, I think so, if each side is willing to do whatever it takes to stay friends.  Sometimes it might seem like the introvert is upset (or "tight-lipped") and sometimes it might seem like the extroverted person has lost interest; but if the parties keep trying, I think they could make very good friendships.  At least I hope so, because some of the people I like best are extroverted.  (In fact, I love how many of them are perfectly willing to do much of the talking for me.  And often times, they are just so happy that I end up being a little, well, bouncy.)

Which are you?  And do you have any additional insights that might help?

~Meggy

Grey Matter

I can't wait to get home for break, but I'm also going to miss my friends!  That's new.  Haha, it's been a while since I've known someone I liked well enough to miss.  That's kind of discouraging, isn't it?  But I suppose I just didn't find the right circles.  I guess if I'd gone to St. Bernard's or Trivium instead of staying home for high school I might have met some nice kids.  As it was, the kids at the local high schools were rather mean and, I felt, vicious.  Whenever I was with them, I relived painful memories of my old school days when I tried to fit in but only got scorn.  They were the people I had run from, and now they were the people I was again seeking love from.

Have you ever wondered about why we need our friends so much, and why separation bothers us?  The answer seems simple enough, but if you keep asking why, it gets more complicated:

Why do you need your friends?  Why does that make you need them?  Why does it make you feel that way?  But why?  You could trace it back to selfish reason if you wanted to, but you could also trace it back to selfless reasons.  I mean, you could say that friendship makes you feel good and loss of same makes you feel bad, so you need your friends.  On the other hand, you could say that you want to make them happy and so you want to be friends with them.  But then, are you acting because you feel bad and you want to make yourself feel better?  But even if so, is the fact that, in the first place, you feel bad when they feel bad a sign that it's a selfless motive?  Do you follow me???

That's just a sampling of the stuff my brain comes up with when I'm alone.  Fascinating, isn't it?  My dad says he loves to hear the sound of the inside of his own head; sometimes I'm inclined to agree with him.  Sometimes I'm not.  Sometimes the inside of my own head is scary.

Speaking of my dad, I was reflecting on my personality the other day, especially after talking with my family via Skype.  I determined that my introversion comes from my dad (without a doubt, actually), but my tendency to dive into an interest head first comes from my mom.  Interesting to note, however, I outdo them in both categories.

Oooookay.  Yeah.  Kind of ran out of steam, I guess.  And I have a fairly strict "no posting after nine o'clock" policy so you won't see this until morning.

But if there's one thought I could leave with you, read That Hideous Strength by C. S. Lewis.  It's quite good.

And I also have a desperate need for attention lately – feel free to leave a comment or two!

~Meggy

I am extremely fond of him

Let's for the moment propose that time isn't necessarily exactly linear.  What is in the future could come back and touch the past; what's in the present could be in the future; what's in the past could have not happened yet.  You may already be married.  Your husband (or wife) might have married you by now.  You may not know it, but you might already be well spoken for.

Something to think about.

Uncle Rat and the Doctor (but not related to each other)

Don't forget to check out "Time And Relative Demension In Space"

Oh my gosh – I almost forgot that there were people out there who were nerdy!  I don't know how it happened, but I was reading through all the latest entries on the blogs I follow, and suddenly I was reading quotes from "Dr. Who" and "The Big Bang Theory" and I read about loving to be artsy and academic, and obsessions over books!  Of course, I know you can like any or all of these things and not consider yourself nerdy, but I'm not talking about you then!

It's not that I haven't found any friends here – I have, and I am so fond of them all.  But none of them are into SciFi like I am, and none of them are as obsessed about anything as I tend to be – and as people I follow tend to be.  Now, I understand that we all tend to be a little more passionate online than we act in person, but even so, we do have our passions.  The fact that I can't totally freak out about Dr. Who with someone tends to blur that side of life after awhile.  Which is actually a very health quality in life!

Even so!  Do you realize how long it is since I've seen a Dr. Who episode?!?!  Probably two weeks!  And it doesn't even bother me that I'm not watching the new season.  I decided, somewhere along the line, that I wasn't going to go to great lengths to try to see it – I just didn't have many options.  And for quite some time now, I haven't even thought about it!  Now, as I go through posts about the show, I want to watch it!!!  Yes, I can wait until it's available on Netflix, but what fun is that?  That means I have to be sensible and patient, and so not obsessive beyond control.  And what kind of fan wants to have self-control?

Well, anyway, I do have a topic for today's post.  Actually, I have several.  But let's take them one at a time because they are long.

¹ It is for you, then, to preach the behaviour which goes with healthy doctrine.
² Older men should be reserved, dignified, moderate, sound in faith and love and perseverance.
³ Similarly, older women should behave as befits religious people, with no scandal-mongering and no addiction to wine -- they must be the teachers of right behaviour
⁴ and show younger women how they should love their husbands and love their children,
⁵ how they must be sensible and chaste, and how to work in their homes, and be gentle, and obey their husbands, so that the message of God is not disgraced.
⁶ Similarly, urge younger men to be moderate in everything that they do,
⁷ and you yourself set an example of good works, by sincerity and earnestness, when you are teaching, and by a message sound and irreproachable
⁸ so that any opponent will be at a loss, with no accusation to make against us.
¹¹ You see, God's grace has been revealed to save the whole human race;
¹² it has taught us that we should give up everything contrary to true religion and all our worldly passions; we must be self-restrained and live upright and religious lives in this present world,
¹³ waiting in hope for the blessing which will come with the appearing of the glory of our great God and Saviour Christ Jesus.
¹⁴ He offered himself for us in order to ransom us from all our faults and to purify a people to be his very own and eager to do good. 
– Titus 2:1-8, 11-14

⁷ 'Which of you, with a servant ploughing or minding sheep, would say to him when he returned from the fields, "Come and have your meal at once"?
⁸ Would he not be more likely to say, "Get my supper ready; fasten your belt and wait on me while I eat and drink. You yourself can eat and drink afterwards"?
⁹ Must he be grateful to the servant for doing what he was told?
¹⁰ So with you: when you have done all you have been told to do, say, "We are useless servants: we have done no more than our duty." '
– Luke 17:7-10
http://www.catholic.org/bible/daily_reading/?select_date=2012-11-13 

Those are the daily readings from Tuesday.  They really hit home in my heart – more than usual, for some reason.  The first talks about the honorable behavior the mature man and woman should have in God.  Whether you, reader, are a Christian or not, it seems like a good goal to have. 

"Similarly, older women should behave as befits religious people, with no scandal-mongering and no addiction to wine -- they must be the teachers of right behavior and show younger women how they should love their husbands and love their children, how they must be sensible and chaste, and how to work in their homes, and be gentle, and obey their husbands, so that the message of God is not disgraced."  "Obey their husbands" may be hard for some to hear, but is it really so hard?  You grew up listening to your parents and teachers.  Women don't have to look up to their husbands as superior, but if they make a decision, wives should not contest it.  Wives are supposed to support their husbands.  Isn't that what a woman in love wants to do, anyway?  I don't know – perhaps not.  But that's what great women in books and movies do.  Most men these days don't order women around anyway, as was their use in the first century AD.  If you marry a good man, you shouldn't feel obligated to fight your husband.  So I don't think it sounds that scary.

Beyond that, this description describes what really seems to me to be a good and honorable woman.  The kind of person that people respect and love and look up to.  Same for men, although the description isn't, perhaps, as intricate.  But all of the Bible describes how upright and righteous men should be in any case.

And I like the reading from the Gospel because it shows a different side of the coin than many usually consider.  When we do as God wills, we shouldn't expect to receive anything in return.  Indeed, you may even say that we oughtn't to expect an answer to our prayers and worship, because prayer and worship is due Him.  It's our duty, not our gift to Him (although it is, in another sense).  At the end of the day, when we've followed all of God's commandments, we deserve no praise, because it was our duty.  As a servant would receive no praise for clearing table, as an employee would not be unduly compensated for doing what he was paid to do, as a child is not rewarded with great gifts for keeping his room clean, so too are we bound in duty to do exactly as He says.  Of course, servants do receive thanks, employees often do get special relief or praise here and there, and children do raise an allowance or get a reward if it is a disciplinary tactic a parent is using, and God often uses similar methods on us, as His children.  But at the end of the day, if we did right, all we did was what we ought to have always done.

Now I don't know if that sounds really preachy – I'm sorry if it does!  But I was sort of struck by that.  Fools, we are.  Many Christians say "God is so great!  Let us praise Him!"  Well, ultimately, even if He hadn't saved your soul and even if He hadn't preformed miracles, you'd still owe Him praise because we are simply His lowly creation, aren't we?

Well, that's a really depressing way to look at things, to keep pressing that we are servants of God.  But it's the truth.  I mean, one of the great mysteries of God is that He is everything at once – He is Master, He is Father, He is Brother, He is Friend, He is Savior, He is Doctor, He is Lover.  And because He is all these things, we can be all slave/servant, son/daughter, brother/sister, friend, debtor, patient, and lover.  That's really cool, isn't it?!

Well, anyway, I really loved that.  I love how God is still and everywhere, even when I'm changing.  Thank God the world doesn't fluctuate with me!  But that's a simple reality that is helpful to realize – the laws of the universe don't ride up and down on roller-coasters with our emotional and physical troubles.  It all still follows the same rules today as it did yesterday and it will tomorrow.  Every day is another day God has given me to sort out my issues before He calls me home.  And life is so beautiful, isn't it?  Still, there is nothing "that I would more willingly part withal".  If only I could leave this drudgery for the glories of eternal communion with creation – but theologians and philosophers say that this is where we gain our strength: when we are no longer afraid to die, no longer afraid to live.

By the way, I lost my Evenstar necklace!  If you could pray to St. Anthony for me that would be great.

~Meggy

The Decoy Bride

A Movie Review by Magdalen Aithne Arkwright

Katie is a lonely Scottish girl from a remote Scottish island.  After a disastrous relationship, she returns home to her terminally ill mother and to her job as a shop assistant.  The Laird of the island, anxious to keep Katie at home, gives her something constructive to do: a guidebook to Hegg.  Although the thought that anyone would want a guidebook to Hegg sounds ridiculous to Katie, she sets out to write one.  Unbeknownst to her, a "marketing group" is heading for Hegg and it'll turn out to be just the publicity her guidebook will need–

For these marketing people are actually a secret wedding party for a private wedding between the most desirable American actress and James, an author famous for his book The Onithologist's Wife.  Running from the press, this couple picked the most remote place they could think of, but the press has still found them!  The bride runs to hide, and her agent has no alternative but to go ahead with the wedding without her – with Katie as stand in.  The press can get their pictures and then the real wedding can proceed as planned.  But at the end of the day, that leaves Katie and the author married to each other!

When James finds out, he and Katie set out across the island to search for the missing bride, get divorced, and set things right again.  Katie almost drowns, James meets an elderly couple who are both deaf, and the bride meets someone who inspires her to make a difference.  In the end, everyone gets what they want.  The bride and groom finally find each other; Katie's mom gets to travel the world before her death; and Katie's off to write sequels to her bestselling guidebook.  James even finishes his second novel and dedicates it to his wife.  But perhaps things aren't as simple as they seem.

In the end, this movie, starring Kelly MacDonald and David Tennant, is a fabulous little film about the affairs of the heart, and shows that ordinary people don't have to be ordinary.  Although, as many have said, it's not a movie to win awards, but it is good for a rainy day.  The plot is fleshed out enough so that it is not boring, but it is not complex.  It tells a simple story in a very straightforward manner.  I will definitely watch this again in the future.

Rating: A

Points: 9/10

(I have found this movie on YouTube – you could search there if you don't have Netflix.)

~Meggy

Time And Relative Demension In Space

Pain won't dampen my spirits tonight.  I feel pain because I'm alive.  I feel pain because I'm strong enough to endure it.  I feel pain because God created the universe and declared how the laws of nature should be.  And He is in everything.  So pain doesn't quench my euphora tonight, as I walk back to the dorm.  God is EVERYWHERE.  God is in the clouds.  God is in the rain and the wind.  God is in me, in my soul, in my mind, in my eyes, in my stiff fingers.  ....God is in the hands of the person who made the jacket that I forgot to wear.




Sometimes, seemingly in spite of all God's efforts, we're just too stupid to help ourselves.



(The word TARDIS is hidden somewhere on this page (not including nine words back ;p ).  Can you find it???  Look hard!  I'll give you a hint on Wednesday.)

~Meggy

So without further ado, here's Audrey Cox!

-Age: 21

-Appearance: clean, blond, blue eyes, "well-kept"

-Occupation: witch/healer/none

-Income: measly (equivalent to five dollars/week at best, compared to four dollars minimum cost of living)

-Education: traditional education up until she turned fourteen, then her mother taught her at home: philosophy and magic

-Environment: was born in a little village, but grew up in the city among charming suitors and nobility, although her parents were not noble but her father’s business was successful

-Personal Chronology: [here omitted]

-Hobbies: gardening, drawing

-Pets: stray cat

-Religion: [Magic]

-Ethnic Background: Elvin, Wizard, Human

-Class: upper-middle

-Occupations of Parents and/or Children: father–carpenter, mother­–healer, event. daughter–healer, event. son–prince

-Talents: singing, healing

-Dislikes: dark, prying, people who are too open with details

-Eccentric habits: collects candles, carries a small book of wise sayings with her, wears the key to her mothers house around her neck and plays with it

-Phobias: being embarrassed or misused or violated

-Ability to change and grow: adaptable, but cautious about change

-Food Choices: loves bread and butter, tea, tomatoes, paprika, salt pork, pumpkin pie

-Favorite Clothing Items: her mother’s shoes, her father’s single glove, her simple white dress with brown pinafore

-Color Preferences: earthy, natural colors; vibrant, like flowers; baby blue

-Sound of Laughter: high, mixed-head

-Reaction to Touch by Strangers: startled, uncertain, on her guard

-Shopping Patterns: buys only what she absolutely needs to get by so that she has a little money left over to spend on pleasure

-Size of Vocabulary: excellent, she prides herself on it

-Aspirations: wants to live a comfy, out of the way life with a loving family

-Favorite Setting: her garden

-Number of Friends: Eva Locknob, Cedric, Mariah

-Drinking Habits: drinks a glass of wine every Sunday with dinner if she can afford it

-Feelings about Smoking: is charmed by an old man with a pipe

-Favorite Pain Killer: Feverfew

-Method of Handling Change: very carefully

-Letter Writing Habits: once in a while to Eva

-Storage of Photographs: she has one sketch each of her mother and father, and one of them together; plus a secret drawing of Mark

-Musical Preferences: loves harmonies, both classical and folk

-Integrity: strongly loyal to her personal ideals and methods of thought, stubborn in adherence to her sense of right and wrong

-Secrets: she will always love Mark, she is a witch; even deeper, she breaks out in a cold sweat after dreams of her parents’ dying; even deeper, she struggles with hatred of Mark’s family and with passion for Mark himself

-Jealousies: proud of her gardening skills, sometimes can’t help but consider the Wassy inferior

-Animal Totem: rabbit

-Representative Symbol: ? [omitted]

-Ugliest Fault: fails to understand other personalities

-Most Powerful Memories: Mother cooking and singing, Father leaning back in a chair after a hard day, Mother singing her to sleep, Mother’s knitting needles, Mother’s shoes as she danced, Father’s gloves as he conducted business, Mark as he was when she first met him, Mark when he told her he loved her, Mark’s hands, Mark’s laugh

-Degree of Resilience: not very flexible

-Problem-Solving Ability: mainly in theory

-Means of Coping with Stress: gardening

-Method of Defusing Anger: crying

-Resemblance to real people: [omitted]

-Resonance with Other Characters: she is there, and in a way, she is the talk of the town; in that sense, she isn’t a person, only gossip, an object to be observed, a pet to be cared for

–      how does she feel about this: mentally frustrated and emotionally drained; unawares, she would like to be on a one-on-one basis with all of them

[My additional notes:]

-Goal for Quality of Life in Wassying: to be well looked-up to; no longer a pet; still hidden

-Level of Self-Awareness: doesn’t realize her own way of approaching people is their reason for their treatment of her; is too complex to see the simplicity

-Method of Operation: logical, methodical; reaching the goal is more of a focus than the aspect of teamwork; can’t comprehend why this usually fails to give intended results

-Dealing with Unpleasant People: civil, avoids

-Interaction with Authority: civil, respectful, even admiring

-Origin of Motivation: "should be done – will be done"

-Productivity: gets up promptly in the morning in the spring and summer; lags in autumn; sleeps in in the winter; stays up late by the fire in the winter; does something quiet at noon; coordinates outside/inside work depending on temperature; enjoys Sunday

-Least Favorite Task: dusting
-Opinion of Social Tasks: enjoys dancing, finds accompanying gossip tedious and difficult; tends to be too logical and not conversational


~Meggy