Oh, computer geeks, how I envy thee....

*sigh*

I'm a little frustrated with my computer illiteracy.  In actuality, I'm not all that computer illiterate – I'm just not as "up-to-date" as many others are.  I haven't a clue when it comes to different kinds of phones or makes of laptops.  I've got stinkin' 10.6 on my plain ole MacBook, and I haven't altered the RAM or bought an extra hard drive.  I mean, heaven knows, I could stand to, the way I use my computer (although, the way I use my computer, I could stand to put it in a three-inch thick protective life vest), but I've only got this beat-up MacBook with the plain essentials.  And when I try updating stuff and changing settings and so on and so forth... I get easily befuddled and overly cautious.  I'm quite good with electronics, really, but my self-esteem is low in regards to them – especially because my resources are limited, and if I screw up big time, someone is going to have to help me fix it – at possibly great inconvenience to them.

Other than that, well, it's late and I'm tired and cold, and I want attention.  ...That's new.  Well, not really.  I've often wanted attention – that's what triggered my depression usually.  But before, I didn't have anyone to turn to.  Now I know lots of people.  But it's not possible, practical, or else not comfortable texting them and saying, "I need to do something.  Want to get together?"  The people I'm close enough to are studious.  Everyone else I don't know well enough to 1) ask; 2) ask at 10:30 at night.  Even if I just went to the JC and studied there, alone, I'd feel better than shut up in my room.  But I just took a shower and I'm not really presentable.  And it's late.  And I have to study and I recently realized there's a party in the JC tonight.  Wish I'd remembered that before I showered.

So those are my thoughts tonight as I sit alone here in my room.  Rather depressing thoughts.  But I'm not all that depressed – at least, not depressed as I know it.  Just... tired.  Worn.  Lonely.  Hungry; ravenous for more love.  And another box of Nerds isn't gonna do it....

I don't know if I've shown this before – but tough.  It's a pick-me-up song!

~Meggy