Grey Matter

I can't wait to get home for break, but I'm also going to miss my friends!  That's new.  Haha, it's been a while since I've known someone I liked well enough to miss.  That's kind of discouraging, isn't it?  But I suppose I just didn't find the right circles.  I guess if I'd gone to St. Bernard's or Trivium instead of staying home for high school I might have met some nice kids.  As it was, the kids at the local high schools were rather mean and, I felt, vicious.  Whenever I was with them, I relived painful memories of my old school days when I tried to fit in but only got scorn.  They were the people I had run from, and now they were the people I was again seeking love from.

Have you ever wondered about why we need our friends so much, and why separation bothers us?  The answer seems simple enough, but if you keep asking why, it gets more complicated:

Why do you need your friends?  Why does that make you need them?  Why does it make you feel that way?  But why?  You could trace it back to selfish reason if you wanted to, but you could also trace it back to selfless reasons.  I mean, you could say that friendship makes you feel good and loss of same makes you feel bad, so you need your friends.  On the other hand, you could say that you want to make them happy and so you want to be friends with them.  But then, are you acting because you feel bad and you want to make yourself feel better?  But even if so, is the fact that, in the first place, you feel bad when they feel bad a sign that it's a selfless motive?  Do you follow me???

That's just a sampling of the stuff my brain comes up with when I'm alone.  Fascinating, isn't it?  My dad says he loves to hear the sound of the inside of his own head; sometimes I'm inclined to agree with him.  Sometimes I'm not.  Sometimes the inside of my own head is scary.

Speaking of my dad, I was reflecting on my personality the other day, especially after talking with my family via Skype.  I determined that my introversion comes from my dad (without a doubt, actually), but my tendency to dive into an interest head first comes from my mom.  Interesting to note, however, I outdo them in both categories.

Oooookay.  Yeah.  Kind of ran out of steam, I guess.  And I have a fairly strict "no posting after nine o'clock" policy so you won't see this until morning.

But if there's one thought I could leave with you, read That Hideous Strength by C. S. Lewis.  It's quite good.

And I also have a desperate need for attention lately – feel free to leave a comment or two!

~Meggy