What to write when you have nothing much on your mind?
I miss him.
And I miss him.
And it's odd to feel that I've come home to my dorm room.
I wish I had been wiser growing up. I wish I hadn't wasted so many years in misery. I wish I could think of a period of my life that I'm proud of.
I wish Lent wasn't almost over. I was not as successful as I ought to have been. But there's still time left for progress – all is not yet lost.
I keep zoning out today. Not "in the zone." Way out of it. It's awkward. I'm having trouble keeping regular conversation.
I've learned that – guess what? – I'm not shy. Well, I am. I'm shy about my looks. I'm shy around people that, for whatever reason, intimidate me. But I'm not afraid to talk to people. I love talking to people – need to talk to people.
I'm so incredibly stupid. God is so good.
Society looks at the evil in the world; I look at the evil inside. Society wonders why a good God would let bad things happen; I wonder why He doesn't let them happen more often.
–– Why does God love me? What have I ever done? Nothing. He loves me because He created me; He created me because He loves me. He loved me first, second, and lastly. The sin did not come before the love. The Love is eternal - the sin is not.
Sin is an emptiness. Sin is a nothingness. Sin is empty. Sin is nothing. Sin is a lack of something – sin is a lack of God. May there not always be a lack of God in my heart.
And with that, I've gotten very philosophical. I must be more tired than I think.
I have homework I ought to be working on.
I'm working on a habit of complimenting myself whenever I start to put myself down. So – I'm stupid? Well, yes, but God made you with an incredibly beautiful soul. Look around! You are surrounded by people who love you. You are surrounded by people who want you. Don't close in on yourself, silly goose! God loves you still, even just now, and it's His Love that will improve you.
It's a good day today for blankets, soothing music, and homework. ("Homework?" "Yes, homework. It's very satisfying when it's done.")
I could really use a hug and some chill time. :( Why are my best huggers so far away (physically and metaphorically)?
Download this free music and listen to the words... so good.
~Meggy
my dear, you seem so sad lately! and that makes me feel sad when I read your posts. cheer up! god loves you and all's well with the world. almost. but seriously, don't let yourself stay down because of that guy or anything else. stay strong and happy! god bless you!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Hannah. I don't mean to be, but I'm in kind of a funk lately. I don't know what's wrong with me :( But I'm trying to get better. Maybe it's too much studying....
Deleteprobably:) but then I have got it as well. the funkitis :)
DeleteI've been feeling a bit down lately as well. :( I really appreciate that you share your feelings in your posts, it reminds me that I am not alone. Oh, and you're really good at being philosophical! :) I can really relate to what you said about being shy around people but wanting to talk, and needing to talk. I think that deep down, no matter how shy a person is, they want to talk to people. The problem is, since I'm shy I don't get to talk to people nearly as much as I'd like to.
ReplyDeleteIf people I don't know approach me, I'm a bit intimidated. But I have no problem approaching other people if I want to. And I really like to talk to people I know – or just be with them. Maybe I just have to be in control of the situation.
Delete