Saturday, December 10, 2011

"Moving On" blues

Next fall, I'll be moving off to college.  No one would have expected this of a home-based girl, but I picked a college that is several states a way.  It takes about ten hours to get there from where I live.  But it's the best college I've ever seen, from my view point and value stance, so I applied and was accepted.  I didn't apply anywhere else because they all dimmed in comparison.  I'm a literature freak - I'm not an engineer or an accountant.  It wasn't like I had to pick a school that was going to have a really good law program or something like that.  When I found a school with a good root in faith and morals, I stuck with it.

Every now and then, the subject comes up that I'm leaving.  It's rather surprising but it annoys me.  Under normal circumstances, I would have thought that I'd love to hear that I'm going to be missed.  I'm sure that hearing I'm appreciated is nice, and yet more than anything it annoys me.

The reason is this: I don't want to be missed because of my cookies, or my babysitting, or my money lending.  But I know they really will just miss me.  My sister is moving into my spot as a baker, and she can also take over as babysitter.  I have no doubt that given a little time, she'll be just as patient and self-sacrificing as I have become when it comes to our young friends.  But I almost don't want people to realize how much they'll miss me, and I think the reason is I'm afraid their fears will be exaggerated.  I mean, maybe my brother really never will notice how much I've been carrying him.  Maybe he'll just assume the responsibilities.  Or maybe he'll refuse to miss me but instead just put up a fit.

What I'm saying is I don't want to emphasize the fact that I won't be there because I know they'll scrape together and fill the gaps.  And all the reasons they'll really miss me, if indeed they do, are voiceless.

...

As I come to this point, I realize that I completely deviated from my original theme, which was going to be about the annoyance of people moving in on your territory, but that would be so out of place here.  I'll have to save it for another time.
~Meggy

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