I'm Strong

Lately, I've been wanting to be a stronger, more independent woman.  I'm turning 21 this year – I want to act my age and be bold and courageous.  I want to make a difference and be noticed for my accomplishments.

Lately, it seems like every week, I have an emotional crisis of sorts.  I feel I'm not being recognized for my talents and hard work at my job, I feel stuck, I feel depressed that I could have to do something like this every day after college, I feel a temporary emotional distance from my boyfriend, I feel too rushed, I feel like I don't have time to fulfill myself with hobbies and personal time, and I feel like I'm such a pain for being an emotional mess.

After seeing the new Avengers movie recently, I reflected on how strong Natasha is.  Of course, she is a human being and a woman so she has weaknesses and emotional troubles like anyone else.  But then I saw a picture of a childhood friend receiving an award at her school.  And I look around at my friends getting really cool jobs or starting organizations that are making a quantifiable difference.  And I'm over here thinking about how much I hate the professional world and just want to raise a family on a farm in the country.

I still want to do that, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  I'm certainly not going to change who I am or my personality.  Who I am is who I am, and there's nothing wrong with her.  But I decided to work on my frame of mind, the way I think about things.

After some reflection, I decided that instead of trying to change what I do or how, or change my personality, I'm going to focus more on what areas of my personality are strong and develop that.  It could be difficult to do, but I want to build myself up rather than ignore how I feel.

I'm strong… when my creative capacities are encouraged.

I'm strong… when someone else is in a bad mood or insults me and I'm able to forgive and stay steady.

I'm strong… when tasks and schedules vary, allowing me to shake things up a bit and stay out of ruts.

I'm strong… about organizing, cleaning, and housekeeping.

I'm strong… in my feelings for other.  I want to love and take care of people.  I am willing to do anything necessary for a relationship that is worth it (and some that aren't).

I'm strong… when faced with a task no one else wants to do but needs to be done.  I can sacrifice myself for others.

I'm going to try to keep working on this list and encourage myself to be strong, inspired by myself.