I Want It All

This is the first draft of a post for my other blog.  I'm not sure if I like my conclusion.  Please tell me what you think!

"Just because I love my job doesn't mean I don't love babies."

In the complicated, American culture we know and love today, women are being told that 1) you can have a career and a family, and 2) you can't really have both.  If that seems confusing to you, well, that's because it is.

I don't remember specific incidents in my life of hearing one or the other, but I know they were there because I'm familiar with the conflict.  I'm fairly certain it even comes up in children's movies.  The dominant view in my life, however, was that you could, in fact, have both.  Other young women had contrary experiences.  Take Kimberly Reeverts, for example.  She's quite upset that she's been told she can only have career or a family.  And she's going tell you about how she's choosing both.

Now I'm a feminist of a certain sort.  I won't go into the politics of different movements of feminism - let's just say I'm a fan of Emma Watson.  And I'm a fan of Reevert's freedom to pursue her dream and use her talents to both fulfill her and contribute to society.

What I'm not a fan of is the "I want everything, I'm getting everything" mentality. It's shortsighted

Right now, I live in an apartment with two roommates. I work approximately 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. Now, I like housework. I like making my space neat, clean, comfortable, and inviting. And I am responsible for no one but myself and I still have a difficult task of finding time to take care of myself and my space. If I had my own car to take care of, it would be harder. If I had kids, it'd be even worse.

There are days that I drag my feet through because my boyfriend and I are running all over and I really need some quiet time to talk to him. And it can be emotionally draining and tough on both of us. Sometimes I'm just not in tune to him. Upgrade that to two full-time jobs with kids. Holy crap.

I'm not saying it can't be done. It can be, and families that do it well are an inspiration to me.

However, Reevert's approach to the difficulty fails to be any kind of a solution.  She's studying hard to continue her education in literature, but now she's decided that she can't imagine her life without children – children that she, in fact, doesn't have yet.  I'd like to hear back from her in a few years to know if it's what she expected.

Because talking to them on the street is one thing.  Because balancing motherhood, professor-hood, and wifehood all at the same time is difficult.

"I started needing joy. All of a sudden I felt intense cravings for life experiences—quality life experiences. I need more and now. I need new and constant."

 But that, alone, is not a good reason to have children, especially if you don't have time for them.

Reeverts might very well be able to make it work, but the trend in the culture is to say, "ME!!! I WANT."  And we, in order to sustain our illusion, ignore the fact that children need their parents.  They need their parents to have time for them.  They need their parents to make them top priority.  Can they survive without that?  Yes….  Do you want them to?

I hope Reeverts all the best as she seeks to incorporate children into her life.  They are a blessing and I hope she is blessed.  But I hope she has considered that children have to be more than an adrenaline rush to her, because that's not what you're going to feel at 3 o'clock in the morning.  I hope she knows that children are more than profound simplicity and are often immediately, selfishly demanding.  I hope she realizes that her future children are a huge responsibility and when they move out of the house, they'll either think she's the best mom… or they won't.

Somebody's got to clean the house.  Somebody's got to make the food.  Somebody's got to run errands.  Somebody's got to take care of the sniffly little one.

Why do we, today, think that we can do everything?  Because we can.  And we think we should.

Reeverts doesn't have to have it all figured out and planned to the last detail before she starts on her family; but may she not be disappointed.