New

I have been having a rough week. . . .  I don't know if it's depression or just moodiness - I don't know if there's a difference.  But I have not been able to cope with even the littlest things.  And last night I kept waking up for no apparent reason, which makes me think maybe it is depression, or at least stress.  But maybe someone was setting off fireworks nearby reeeeeally slowly, trying to interrupt my sleep without me noticing.

But I know I'm overtired, so I figure, you know what, it doesn't really matter what's going on with me.  There are plenty of reasons.  I just have to try to get better.  I tried listening to upbeat, happy music - do you know how hard it is to find truly happy music?  Even a lot of the music that sounds happy has a depressing message.  But it sort of helped.  This morning, as I got ready for the day, I listened to music again, but I tried to listen to it quietly so as to not disturb my sleeping roommates.

Knowing that there are certain mental patterns that lead me into depression, I've also resolved on avoiding those patterns.  It's hard.  But if I start putting myself down, I'll tear it to shreds - as though I had put it on a sticky note and pinned it to my mental reminder board, I'll rip it off and put it through the shredder.  If nothing else, the metaphor is helping.  And since my depressive moods are often caused or worsened by my reluctance to verbally care about anything, if I start to feel that way, I'll just straight up tell my boyfriend that I'm too tired to think.  And if, which I often do, I feel as though no one cares and no one will listen to me, I'll just say, "Hey, I need you to listen."  Now, the hardest part will be actually talking at that point.  Because the fact that I don't have the mental energy to form feelings into sentences is kind of a setback.

What do you do when you're in a funk?

Alright, if you got through that pity party, I now have an announcement.

I don't know that too many people are actually reading my blog anymore - so be it.  I'll do my research and find new blogs to read (which I need to do anyway) and I'll reach out to new bloggers.  But I'm afraid I need to leave Google's blogging behind.  Google just doesn't care about its bloggers, and that's okay.  Apparently that's not their strong suit, but I need something more.  I need to be able to do more.  Heck, I could probably do more on my own in Dreamweaver and then upload it to a server somewhere - but I don't really want to.  I want a platform that has the capacity to do what I need it to do.

Weebly.com is still fairly young, as far as I can tell, and it's not perfect, but it has so much more capacity than Blogger and, I think, Wordpress - although Wordpress is enough for the blog I keep up for my family.  But if I'm going with a more professional, modern, up-to-date and relevant look, I gotta leave both behind for this blog.  Weebly can't do everything I want, but it comes pretty close.  The worst part is the fact that I can't upload this blog to that one, which is a major problem.  About 500 hundred posts and over 4 years later, I don't want to leave all this behind and start fresh.  I've spent a lot of time getting those views and creating this content.  So I'm going to be manually transferring posts over - one. by. one. by. one. by. . . you get the point.  My priority is to move Movie Reviews over there to match up with all of the links I already have posted on the "Movie Reviews" page.

So my plan is to move over to http://magicinkanddreams.weebly.com, and I hope those of you, stragglers, will come with me as I build a new home, start a new life, begin with new hope.

. . .Alright, I won't be dramatic about this.  The website is still in designing phases, and I'm not moving just yet, but that really is the link and it is published, so feel free to go check it out and tell me what you think.

(Also, current comments won't be over there. . . . sad face.)

~Meggy

I would like to start a book club

I would like to start a book club.

My plan was to offer two book suggestions and tag other bloggers I know and love.  Then, every other Saturday (maybe every Saturday), I would do a post answering key questions about the book and synopsizing, reading my favorite bits, etc. – hopefully no more than 10 minutes long.  Ideally, only five minutes.  Although we'd be doing this as a group, each person could choose whichever of the two to three books.  And those who read the same book could discuss it.  The length of the book would determine how much we have to read each week, but I'm thinking a book a month, more or less?  Because I'm going back to school in the fall for my senior year, I may have to pick books that I'm assigned for my various English classes.  But I got the reading list for my American Novel class from my professor so I'm going to start on that early.  If you would like to participate and you have a similar concern, I'll take book suggestions and try to fit them into the list.  But as long as the group is small, I don't think I should offer more than two books.  If everyone is reading a different book, we can't discuss them.

So, the books for the first book club, starting next Saturday, are:

The Moviegoer by Walker Percy

The dazzling novel that established Walker Percy as one of the major voices in Southern literature is now available for the first time in Vintage paperback.

The Moviegoer is Binx Bolling, a young New Orleans stockbroker who surveys the world with the detached gaze of a Bourbon Street dandy even as he yearns for a spiritual redemption he cannot bring himself to believe in. On the eve of his thirtieth birthday, he occupies himself dallying with his secretaries and going to movies, which provide him with the "treasurable moments" absent from his real life. But one fateful Mardi Gras, Binx embarks on a hare-brained quest that outrages his family, endangers his fragile cousin Kate, and sends him reeling through the chaos of New Orleans' French Quarter. Wry and wrenching, rich in irony and romance, The Moviegoer is a genuine American classic.  –Amazon.com

The Memory of Old Jack by Wendell Berry

In a rural Kentucky river town, "Old Jack" Beechum, a retired farmer, sees his life again through the sades of one burnished day in September 1952. Bringing the earthiness of America's past to mind, The Memory of Old Jack conveys the truth and integrity of the land and the people who live from it. Through the eyes of one man can be seen the values Americans strive to recapture as we arrive at the next century.  –Amazon.com









If you're not interested, no hard feelings.  But this is going to go very well if I don't get anybody.  So if you're interested, please ask other bloggers as well!  Or non-bloggers that read blogs.

~Meggy

Why Homosexual Unions are Not Marriage

People generally consider marriage as a certificate and really expensive ceremony that declares to family, friends, and the world: "After a period of time together, we have strong feelings for one another and think we might live happily together for the rest of our lives. Let's celebrate that hope."  This new-fangled marriage serves almost no purpose. It's the step you take after "living together and testing sexual compatibility," and it signals a hope for eternal happiness. But it can be broken and cast aside if need be. It's practically pointless.

Heck, if you just really want a certificate and a really expensive, crowded ceremony, all you need is a computer, a printer, and an assembly hall.  Nobody's going to stop a minister from pronouncing you "married."

But once upon a time, marriage served a function. The marriage of two people, a man and a woman, was not merely the joining of two people in love to support each other through good and bad; marriage served the society. A man and a woman in marriage love each other and procreate.  New children, new members of society, new citizens are born and raised in this construct, taught and trained and nurtured for adult life. And that is why the government has a duty to protect and support the family structure - it is good for society and builds society.

My stance is not going to be popular but I know this is true: children need a mother and a father. That is true biologically and it is true psychologically. Children can survive without one or even both of their parents, but it is more difficult for them. For example, young boys often suffer, these days, because of the absence of a father. Sometimes another male father-figure in their life helps them stay on the path, but studies have shown that children usually do better with both their parents.

Of course, that is ideal. Sometimes, that can't always be. But a homosexual union fails to fulfill the goals of marriage completely. They cannot procreate children, and children they raise have two of one gender and are denied their need for the other. Furthermore, a man or a woman is used to create a child on demand and then never participates in the life of that child again.  Their motherhood or fatherhood of the child is denied. The child grows up not knowing who they came from, their background, or their origins.  They don't know who they are.  They don't have roots.  This will sound harsh, but the biological parent essentially seems to say, from the perspective of the child's heart, "I don't love you.  You were created for the pleasure of your homosexual guardians.  Have fun with your life."  Even adopted children have to deal with that phenomenon, never mind a child brought into the world through a surrogate mother.

If you are homosexual and want to live with your significant other, I can't stop you. But you don't need marriage. Marriage serves to create and bring up new people in a stable home, ideally, with both a mother and a father. Science has shown, testimonies have shown that children need that. [And yes, that affects how I feel about divorce as well.]

And society suffers if it defines marriage as whatever you want it to be.  Because the children suffer.

I'm not anti-love.  I'm pro-marriage.

When Edna and Bilbo come together… in other words, I'm really tired………

I feel a little like Edna: "It will be bold.  Dramatic!  Heroic!!"

I'm sitting here, thinking about where I want to go with blogging, and I'm realizing – it's got to catch up with me.  No more, "Wellll… that looks pretty cute, we'll go with that design."  Never again, "That's what I've always done," or, "This is what I've seen others do."  This blog has to be me.

So I'm brainstorming.  What's me?  Well, I'm creative but I'm professional.  I'm shy, but I'm determined.  I'm quiet but not boring.  My main hobbies include gardening, knitting, writing, baking, and… literature in general.  How is this all going to come together?  It's like being Irish, Italian, and German all at the same time.  Wait.  I am.

I'm working on a surprise for you, and I'm hoping that it'll be ready for you by Saturday - fingers crossed!  But I can't make any promises.  I'm checking my email regularly for the information I need….  If you're still reading and you'd like to know what it is, let me know in the comments!  I'll make sure you get notified one way or another. :)

But more importantly, I'm looking for new blogs to follow.  A week or two ago, I went through the list of blogs I used to read and… they are like old Scotish castles, falling to ruin on the hillside.  I actually don't know if there are many Scotish castles falling to ruin on the hillside, but the point is that many of my favorite blogs are no longer being updated, and that has me sad.  I'll be perusing around a bit, but I'd love to hear about a few of your favorite blogs.  I can't wait to dive into them!

Well, I think I'm quite ready for another adventure.

photo courtesy of…

~Meggy

P.S. – I've probably said this before, but you should try listening to Enya Radio on Pandora.  It can be really motivating sometimes.

Hey, should I? Do you think? Mayhap perchance?

I recently wrote a new post for my "professional" blog, if you will, that was passionate and heartfelt.  I titled it "America Needs a Mending."  It's kind of a play on words - maybe you can figure out why.

Lately, I've been getting it into my head to become a professional blogger.  What does that mean?  Good question.  I don't know.  I was looking at Iris Hanlin's blog and I was so darn impressed.  I don't think she's earning any money doing what she does but she's good at what she does.  I suppose to get started on my goal, I'd start off following her example.  Maybe I'll try some kind of vlog.  Maybe I'll have themes.  Et cetera.  Et cetera. . . .

But there's so much I still don't know.  What to do. . . what to do. . . what to do with myself.  When I started Our Hearts Unhindered, I had in mind something like Matt Walsh's blog.  I'd like to just say that shortly after discovering Matt Walsh, I decided I greatly dislike him.  But now's not really the time to get into why.  Anyway, you may be able to tell that my Our Hearts Unhindered blog is modeled after his "blogging template," so to speak.  But 'tis boring.  'Tis not fun.  Any suggestions?

I broached this subject with my boyfriend recently, but the conversation was short-lived.  I had no idea what I had in mind and he doesn't discuss well if I can't define my terms.  He has a stricter scientific mind - which is good because that's ultimately what I need from him on this.  I need him to help me figure out what I want and how to get it.  But sometimes I don't realize that that's what I'm looking for and I don't go into the conversation with that in mind.  So I quickly dropped it, made a mental note to think more on it later, and we went on doing something else.

I'll probably bring it up with him again.  But do you have any suggestions?  I want to go on blogging like I do here, but better.  And I want to go on blogging like I do at Our Hearts Unhindered, but more better (and more attractive).  Is there a way I can combine them?

Gosh I'm hungry.  Good thing lunch is soon.

One thing I'm worried about is transparency.  In my blogs, I'm not transparent.  I've made an effort over the years to keep my blog secret from family and friends so that I could explore myself without shame, in a sense.  I've gone back and forth about even putting my picture in my profile.  And I've kept personal details strict on Our Hearts Unhindered.  It's succeeded, but it may be holding me back.

Do I need to start over?  Do I need to make a new blog that is a combination of all?  Do I revamp this one and just keep going?  I like that idea better, frankly: stop trying to be one thing and be all at once.  Don't hide the fun, don't segregate the serious.

Alright, that's all the time I have to write at the moment, unfortunately, but I'll keep thinking. . . and I hope to hear from you!  Clearly I need to sit down and really hash this out for myself. . . .

Thanks so much, guys
~Meggy

Planning lesson plans for funzies

So about a week ago, I posted about my struggles with weakness/shyness/whatever you want to call it.  And I have to say, I think focusing instead on areas of strength has really helped me.  It gives me a stronger impression of myself, convincing my brain that: "Hey!  You can do this!"

Other than that… I haven't much to say.  I haven't had much time for writing :( and I haven't done much of anything else.  I have to get back on that.

On the other hand, I finished A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit (which you can get on Amazon for a cent right now).  It was a fascinating book, if a little hard to follow at times.  I think I'd like to read through it again, now that I've seen the whole, and discuss it further with my boyfriend.  I didn't necessarily agree with everything she said, and I thought she simplified the issue occasionally, but I thought it was a very interesting read.

I'm also making progress on The Divine Comedy, which is part of #4 on my to-do list.  It's a lot to read.  I also read a page or two more of Anna Karenina… but haven't made much progress there.

I also haven't planned a book club, and I think I'd like to try to design a lesson plan for kindergarten!  Since I'd like to homeschool, I think it'll be a lot of fun to design my own curriculum.  All things at their best, I'll design the literature classes and my (future) husband will design the theology and science classes (although I'm not ignorant when it comes to theology.  I think I'd like to help out there).  As for the other subjects, I'd probably use standard books for math, but I know I want my children to learn their family history and then their state and country history first.  It's something they can associate themselves with, after all, and field trips are easy.  Music, art, and gym I can do myself while they're young (to some extent).  I want to teach them some basic Latin right off, since it's what I know, and then they can learn whatever language they prefer.  Again, if it is as I hope it will be, my (future) husband can teach them German.

Anyway, I think it'll be fun.  The department I work for involves online classes, and I'm inspired by professors talking about how they want to design their courses.  Perhaps someday, off in the future, I'll be able to do that too.

~Meggy

I Want It All

This is the first draft of a post for my other blog.  I'm not sure if I like my conclusion.  Please tell me what you think!

"Just because I love my job doesn't mean I don't love babies."

In the complicated, American culture we know and love today, women are being told that 1) you can have a career and a family, and 2) you can't really have both.  If that seems confusing to you, well, that's because it is.

I don't remember specific incidents in my life of hearing one or the other, but I know they were there because I'm familiar with the conflict.  I'm fairly certain it even comes up in children's movies.  The dominant view in my life, however, was that you could, in fact, have both.  Other young women had contrary experiences.  Take Kimberly Reeverts, for example.  She's quite upset that she's been told she can only have career or a family.  And she's going tell you about how she's choosing both.

Now I'm a feminist of a certain sort.  I won't go into the politics of different movements of feminism - let's just say I'm a fan of Emma Watson.  And I'm a fan of Reevert's freedom to pursue her dream and use her talents to both fulfill her and contribute to society.

What I'm not a fan of is the "I want everything, I'm getting everything" mentality. It's shortsighted

Right now, I live in an apartment with two roommates. I work approximately 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. Now, I like housework. I like making my space neat, clean, comfortable, and inviting. And I am responsible for no one but myself and I still have a difficult task of finding time to take care of myself and my space. If I had my own car to take care of, it would be harder. If I had kids, it'd be even worse.

There are days that I drag my feet through because my boyfriend and I are running all over and I really need some quiet time to talk to him. And it can be emotionally draining and tough on both of us. Sometimes I'm just not in tune to him. Upgrade that to two full-time jobs with kids. Holy crap.

I'm not saying it can't be done. It can be, and families that do it well are an inspiration to me.

However, Reevert's approach to the difficulty fails to be any kind of a solution.  She's studying hard to continue her education in literature, but now she's decided that she can't imagine her life without children – children that she, in fact, doesn't have yet.  I'd like to hear back from her in a few years to know if it's what she expected.

Because talking to them on the street is one thing.  Because balancing motherhood, professor-hood, and wifehood all at the same time is difficult.

"I started needing joy. All of a sudden I felt intense cravings for life experiences—quality life experiences. I need more and now. I need new and constant."

 But that, alone, is not a good reason to have children, especially if you don't have time for them.

Reeverts might very well be able to make it work, but the trend in the culture is to say, "ME!!! I WANT."  And we, in order to sustain our illusion, ignore the fact that children need their parents.  They need their parents to have time for them.  They need their parents to make them top priority.  Can they survive without that?  Yes….  Do you want them to?

I hope Reeverts all the best as she seeks to incorporate children into her life.  They are a blessing and I hope she is blessed.  But I hope she has considered that children have to be more than an adrenaline rush to her, because that's not what you're going to feel at 3 o'clock in the morning.  I hope she knows that children are more than profound simplicity and are often immediately, selfishly demanding.  I hope she realizes that her future children are a huge responsibility and when they move out of the house, they'll either think she's the best mom… or they won't.

Somebody's got to clean the house.  Somebody's got to make the food.  Somebody's got to run errands.  Somebody's got to take care of the sniffly little one.

Why do we, today, think that we can do everything?  Because we can.  And we think we should.

Reeverts doesn't have to have it all figured out and planned to the last detail before she starts on her family; but may she not be disappointed.

Jurassic World

photo courtesy of…

Full disclosure, I have never seen a full Jurassic movie before.  But I have seen parts of them, and I dare say that "Jurassic World" carries on the tradition with well-executed epicness.

I had heard a while ago that this movie was coming out and my first reaction was, "World?  Seriously?  All the movies nowadays keep trying to be bigger and better."  Ironically, that's a theme in the movie, but I won't give too much away in case you haven't seen it.  (And it is BIG.  But is it better?  I don't know!)

My other reaction to the trailers was apprehension.  The tension of waiting for people to die is tough on me and I didn't think I could handle it.  Certainly, there are "explicit," if you will, death scenes.  You watch people die.  And sometimes it's sad and sometimes it's downright unfair, but most, though not all, of the deaths were faced bravely and/or in the line of doing one's duty and beyond, and a person can really respect that.

It's about doing one's job.  It's about family.  It's about compassion.  It's about respecting animals.  The popular theme of "using this as a weapon in war" comes up, yet again, in this movie – you can be the judge of whether it's been overused or not.  I found it credible.  SPOILER:

I'm glad that, so far, our heroes are true American heroes and reject that notion.

SPOILER ALERT:

Both the characters and the casting for them were amazing.  Chris Pratt, quickly becoming a favorite of mine, plays Owen – a man out of the Navy and a nature-respecting velociraptor "trainer."  Bryce Dallas Howard plays Aunt Claire, a higher up in the park's management who is a little too distracted to notice family or care about the dinosaurs as animals, but ultimately she has a heart of gold.  They don't particularly like one another, but when danger threatens the park, Owen and Claire go on a mission to save her two nephews from a danger they will soon meet face to teeth.

I was overjoyed to see Jake Johnson appear in this film as a prominent character – not only was he prominent but he was a respectable, lovable voice of reason.  A little nerdy, a little too down to earth for the "office," his character Lowery stands to the last for the good of the dinosaurs and to support the others.  He's also funny, which can at times be just a change of pace because he's one of the few characters who isn't too serious.

The other characters had many facets, and I was especially intrigued by the park's owner, who at first seemed like an admirable guy but who turned out to be a fool, if a brave one.

(For the following, please consult the "Movie Points" list in the sidebar.)

I want to only take off half a point for plot because there are a few developments I have to raise a skeptical eyebrow to, but overall, I was extremely satisfied with the storyline and mostly even the character development.

The morality in the movie is laudable but SPOILER the boy's parents are getting a divorce.  It's so minor in the movie, however.  Owen does swear three times, but I thought it was appropriate to the circumstance.  Overall, I only take half a point for "immorality."  Mostly, good ethics and morals are promoted by this movie.

As for theatrics/drama, I don't think you'll be disappointed.  I am often critical of CGI but I believed every moment of this movie.  Perhaps an audience with more experience of dinosaur movies would disagree, but I was very satisfied with visual believability.  Furthermore, the climax did not disappoint.  It was unbelievably epic and brought all the tension and power to a peak right at the crucial moment.

Rating: D (watching people get eaten may be too much for some children)
Points: 9/10, full satisfaction points

~Meggy

I'm Strong

Lately, I've been wanting to be a stronger, more independent woman.  I'm turning 21 this year – I want to act my age and be bold and courageous.  I want to make a difference and be noticed for my accomplishments.

Lately, it seems like every week, I have an emotional crisis of sorts.  I feel I'm not being recognized for my talents and hard work at my job, I feel stuck, I feel depressed that I could have to do something like this every day after college, I feel a temporary emotional distance from my boyfriend, I feel too rushed, I feel like I don't have time to fulfill myself with hobbies and personal time, and I feel like I'm such a pain for being an emotional mess.

After seeing the new Avengers movie recently, I reflected on how strong Natasha is.  Of course, she is a human being and a woman so she has weaknesses and emotional troubles like anyone else.  But then I saw a picture of a childhood friend receiving an award at her school.  And I look around at my friends getting really cool jobs or starting organizations that are making a quantifiable difference.  And I'm over here thinking about how much I hate the professional world and just want to raise a family on a farm in the country.

I still want to do that, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.  I'm certainly not going to change who I am or my personality.  Who I am is who I am, and there's nothing wrong with her.  But I decided to work on my frame of mind, the way I think about things.

After some reflection, I decided that instead of trying to change what I do or how, or change my personality, I'm going to focus more on what areas of my personality are strong and develop that.  It could be difficult to do, but I want to build myself up rather than ignore how I feel.

I'm strong… when my creative capacities are encouraged.

I'm strong… when someone else is in a bad mood or insults me and I'm able to forgive and stay steady.

I'm strong… when tasks and schedules vary, allowing me to shake things up a bit and stay out of ruts.

I'm strong… about organizing, cleaning, and housekeeping.

I'm strong… in my feelings for other.  I want to love and take care of people.  I am willing to do anything necessary for a relationship that is worth it (and some that aren't).

I'm strong… when faced with a task no one else wants to do but needs to be done.  I can sacrifice myself for others.

I'm going to try to keep working on this list and encourage myself to be strong, inspired by myself.

Our School System, a point of interest with me

I'm working on a post for my other blog and I'd like your honest opinions!  This is the second draft.

---

Here's the Situation

Something absolutely disgusts me and so I will share my hotheaded, passionate, strong-worded opinion with you about the school system in America.

The school system sucks.  We send our kids across town or into the next to attend a school where the hormones way outnumber the adults, and the adults have very little power because we don't trust them because we don't know them and they don't know us.  And it would be a liability for them to do anything about anything.

I know quite a few people who want to be teachers and I know they would never knowingly let a child be bullied or kill themselves.  But these are big schools, and what can the teachers do if they do know?  They don't have a lot of power.  The least they can do, you hope, is to tell the parents what is going on, and sometimes that doesn't even happen.

And what can the parents do?

Well here is where it gets ugly.  Parents knowingly send their children to school, day after day, to be bullied and sexually harassed.  I mourn the loss of children who take their lives and only after do the parents find out that bullying was involved.  That's a horrible family structure but it moves me to compassion, given the general rushing about and distraction in our modern, first-world country.  But when I hear the testimony of some mother who knows her little girl is being harassed or knew the whole time that school was a living hell for her son and sent them off every day anyway... I feel disgust and revulsion.  How in the world can a parent tell a child that they just have to put up with this behavior?  That there is nothing anyone can do about this and no one cares that your life is driving you to an early death?

I sympathize - this is a tough world, a tough culture we live in and we're all stressing out to stay ahead.  But if you can't tighten your belts to send them to another school or take them out and homeschool, you best at the very least be raising Cain about it and keeping your child away from that mess, one way or another.

We are very protective of our children.  That is to say - we love griping about injustices done them.  We have way too many tests now in school.  The teacher doesn't care at all.  The school is forcing my child to do this, but they won't take care of the bullying.  The ref made a bad call!  My four-year-old wants to be a girl but people have the nerve to tell me I shouldn't let him!  He'll only be vaccinated if I say so!  I have a right to have children any way I want, in whatever relationship I want!  Don't force labels on my kids!  Don't leave them home alone!  Don't have guns in the house!  They should have taught them that at school!  What's the matter with them, leaving my child unprotected and ignorant like that?  No shampoo in my baby's eyes!  Only the most organic, healthy food for my children.  No more soda at school!

But when it comes to action, we're pathetic.  When it comes to caring what is actually best for the children, we're selfish and stupid.

These days, children are future politicians.  We need to indoctrinate them with a politically correct education (no offense if that's you, but really, how long has Christopher Columbus been a hero?) and measure their intellectual growth and make sure it's alllllll the same everywhere so we can force "equality" (intellectual sameness) across the nation.  They need to accumulate as many certificates and diplomas and awards and stats as possible so that their resume is more impressive, regardless of their actual skill or ability to function in society and the workplace.

Scholarship is numbers.  Skill is book learning.

But There's a Problem

John Oliver, who is a favorite of mine, recently commented on how the obsession with testing is affecting our children.  At least, how it is affecting them in ways we can immediately see.  He didn't, I'll note, mention how it's affecting their love of learning or their psychology.  But it's too early to know everything.  Perhaps we should experiment with them for a few more years.

This past Sunday, John Oliver did a segment on FIFA - oh how glorious an overhaul that is turning out to be!  (Not actually sarcasm this time.)  He challenged the sponsors of FIFA to take a stand, promising that he would even drink a Budweiser product if they withdrew their sponsorship.

In the past, John Oliver has instigated ridiculous and funny social media movements with various effectiveness and varying degrees of actual importance.  He launched a campaign to save mating geckos lost in space.  He started a movement to protest the casting of Christian in Fifty Shades of Gray. #NotMyChristian

But when it comes to children, he did nothing.

Well, we are all more aware of what we should have known in the first place, but where is the great emotional uproar?  Where are the ice bucket challenges and dares and matched pledges to get this crap under control?  Where is the call to action?

Well, "to be fair," many of John Oliver's calls to action have been jokes or for something that is easily changed.  Bullying, educational requirements, smaller class sizes, actively aware parents - it can't be done with a catchy hashtag.  And my point isn't to accuse John Oliver of not caring enough about children.  That's not he point - the point is how complicated and difficult a problem this is and we're not spending nearly enough time on it as a whole.  These are, if you will, the future politicians.  You can't not care, even if you're not sparked by the injustice of torturing young and immature people who don't have a choice but will be affected by this for the rest of their lives, then affecting the next generation and so on.

And We Need a Solution

For me, personally, I have a vague idea of what I want.  I want way smaller schools, and more of them - in the communities that they serve.  Perhaps one large facility of expensive equipment for the area.  I want tutors/teachers to teach students by studying the greats as well as new theories, where contrary schools of thought are allowed and not feared so thinking can flourish, and the arts are included.  I want the work environment to adopt a learn-on-the-job environment, an experienced-based totem pole, rather than a "how many diplomas and qualifications can you pay for?" system.  And I want universities to be more about fulfilling the student's needs than handing out the diplomas and qualifications, and certainly not about bringing in money to compete with other schools.  If it's not about the students, what is it about?

I'm not an expert; I just know this system is not ideal for me.  It doesn't seem ideal for anybody.  And if someone can prove that my vision couldn't work, at least I'll have gotten someone thinking more about this issue.  Because I'm not qualified to say what needs to be done and I don't have the power to do it, but what we need is a decision about what ought to be done so that people like John Oliver and you and me can actually do something about it: #notmyeducationsystem

We can't just complain.  We have to decide what we want done and push for it.

It just has to be

Last week, something kind of startling happened to me.  It tripped me up a little.  A lot has been going on in my life lately and it's hard to digest, but this threw me off my emotional kilter a bit.

See, I've been trying to catch up with the old blogs I used to read, and it's felt weird – like I betrayed them or something and now I'm just coming back into the fold like nothing has changed….  But a lot has changed.  For one thing, I don't specifically remember some of the blogs and I don't remember what I know about them.  Some I do, and some I don't.  And some aren't regularly updated anymore – no surprise there.  So I feel odd and guilty and embarrassed to return to my old haunt, but I thought, hey, I might as well try to comment on some of these if I have any thoughts that come to mind.  I won't force it.  But I'll try to ease myself back into the circle.

That's been difficult because there's a community going on here, even more so than I remember, and so I feel like an awkward outsider, a stranger that is trying to interject into a personal conversation amongst good, ole friends.  And I mean, I didn't expect that my blog would suddenly be relevant again – I didn't.  I just hoped that, well, somebody would comment on what I say and share their insights with me.

Well, but anyway, I tried to comment on a blog last week.  I was so excited.  This blogger is a bit younger than me – wow, more than I realized until just now….  And she was talking about various things….  Then she mentioned something that I just had to comment about.  The topic interested me and I had experience to relate that I thought would be helpful.  All positive and encouraging things.  I won't get into specifics.  My comment had to be approved, and I thought it was, and I anxiously awaited a reply, if there was one.  I kept getting emails about new comments but none a reply to mine.  I find out that my comment isn't there at all.  How odd.

Long story short, I commented again but it never showed up among all the other comments.  My comment was vetoed twice.

I guess what I'm eventually trying to say is that this opened a crack in my heart.  And I remembered all the bad about social media.  All the hurt I had ever felt because I was ignored or whatever on social media – I had almost forgotten until that moment.

And slowly but surely, it reminded me of all the people I've met and the ones that walked away from me and the ones I walked away from… and it makes my heart sad.

I wish I could tell them all that, hey, I was just looking for a friend.  And I never meant to hurt anyone.  I did everything I could think of to do what I thought would make you happy and then, sometimes, I finally just had to walk away.  I didn't know what else I could do.  I came to college with the goal for myself to give everything I had into being a great friend, and even then I failed.  And I'd like to blame you but I can't.  It's just the way of things.  Life happens.  And I don't understand it.  But fortunately, understanding it is not required.

But it'd still be nice, I sometimes think, to say, "Hey.  I busted… certain areas of my anatomy to be the best I could be and that's the best you could do?  You have no idea how much I wanted to be the most amazing friend you had ever had."  But once the first rush of confusion and passion rushes over me and dies, I mostly just want to say, "Why."  Why did you do this thing?  I can imagine a hundred and two possibilities.  None of them are giving me closure.  But was it really necessary to break my heart like that?

Well, I'm not actually pitying myself too much.  This stuff just is, sometimes.  I was only reflecting on it.   But if social media has many positives of community, it has the negatives too.  Life has both, anyway.  And I suppose it just has to be.