Sunday, October 13, 2013

Baby Girl

Life has been busy.  Between crazy classes and crazy drama, I've been having a hard time figuring out whether to laugh or cry.

You may remember "boy-who-messed-up-my-last-semester."  Our contact this semester has been awkward and the terms of our friendship are largely undefined.  Sometimes it hurts to see him – even more likely when he's with his girlfriend – and sometimes it doesn't bother me.  In theory, I smile to think he's happy; I'm happy, too.  But the reality is I'm sad things ended so badly, and I begrudge the fact that he felt it necessary to pull so far out of my life.  Maybe he's the wise one….  I couldn't say.

Another guy friend of mine has indirectly ended our friendship by deciding to completely remove the girl, who is my best friend, from his life.  He has a determined, leaning on the prideful side, headstrong personality, and this semester those irritating character traits of his seem to be worse.  I couldn't say for certain what and why… but I'm not the only one who thinks so.  Friends of mine have come to me and basically said, "What is going on with that guy?"  And he seems to have pushed away at least a few people.  The number one concern on the back of my mind is that he's almost secluded himself in a small, narrow community – harder for me or anyone else to reach out to him and see if there's a healthier balance.  But also, he was always there for me; and yet those moments of support always had a certain amount of "let me do my duty and check in on you but not really go out of my way otherwise" feeling to it.  I feel that way all the more now that he literally abandoned me when I wanted to hang out with him, simply because he didn't want to get involved in the drama my best friend was going through at the time.

There's also a guy who's into me, which he had decided after only knowing me for two days.  He's been behaving himself very well for the most part, but I had rather hoped that the initial infatuation had worn off – such is very much not the case.  The other night, we somehow ended up in a common room alone for a long time.  Instead of continuing to watch Doctor Who, we started talking – which is nice, right?  But you've got to be careful when you're with a guy who is way more into you than you are into him.  My best guy friend calls him my "stalker."  …Not seriously, of course.  This guy and I are good friends now and he's friends with my friends…and so on….

But so far, it's all been bad news, hasn't it?

I had a really nice conversation with my baby sister tonight.  I kept her up until 11; but she's thirteen now, and it's amazing to tell to her about things and listen to her responses.  It's not that she has experienced these things or understands what I'm experiencing, but she's older now, less of a child and more of a woman.  I love that little girl so much and I miss her.

In other news, I intented to Daughters of Jerusalem household; and I'm spending all day tomorrow in Pittsburgh.  More on that soon!


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