Do you keep a journal? I do. I collect journals, actually. I usually have a hard time walking away from a journal display without buying one. Like with anything else, I'm picky about my journals – size, features, graphics, etc. But the bookstore here has a phenomenal selection. Every time I go in there I want to buy one!!! But I don't. Although I gave in once. Even though I didn't need it and I don't really use it. But it's really cute.
Anyway, I have kept a journal for as long as I can remember, and I have a small collection of dairies back home that I go through sometimes. ...Oh gosh. If ever I doubt that there's a God, I just have to pick up one of those dairies and skim through them. Not because they're filled with accounts of miracles or visions; it's because it reminds me where I've been. And where I've come. And how.
Sometimes I just blush tomato red when I read them, and I've considered burning them or parts of them. And maybe I should. Some would say that it would be symbolic of letting go of the past. For me, it reminds me not to make those same stupid mistakes again. I read something that I, have since, decided I am not proud of; but sometimes I realize that I'm doing it again. It's a reality check; but not always in a negative way. Sometimes I come across an inspiring insight that I wrote once upon a time – and I don't even remember it. Or I realize that I've forgotten to look at life through those rosier-colored lenses. It's definitely a reality check. Not everything you learn sticks with you.
A journal also allows you to organize in an unorganized manner the thoughts that are going on in your head so that you can decide whether and how you'll share those thoughts with someone else – and the best part? No one will judge you on your grammer, logic, or feelings. Unless you have a mother that, for some reason, feels she has the right to read your journal if she finds it. I know someone (a naive someone) who advised me to keep a journal but to keep it hidden, because she always read her daughter's journal when she came across it. She also advised I burn my used journals, so you can see how much I value her opinion.... I was rather shocked when I heard that she read her daughter's journal – that just seemed so wrong. But everyone is different I guess, and I've since wondered if someone would read my journal if I left it out – sometimes I left it out so that people could read it (if I was proud of what I wrote or was feeling vengeful; as far as I know, no one ever did read it. They would probably have let me know if they had been through my journal....).
Writing things in a journal, I've noticed, almost justifies you to yourself. It's written down – in this nifty little book – therefore, it's real; it's valid; it's important. It doesn't mean that you are delusional and egotistical – you usually can't be because you've got nothing to hide in a journal so you end up telling the truth. But when you write down your feelings, it makes you feel better because what you're feeling is now based on a semi-logical train of thought. You hope. Not always, but sometimes. I know that when I'm depressed, it rarely helps to write about it, because it's illogical to go on being depressed but there's nothing I can do to change it.
And so there you go. My thoughts on journals in case you were wondering. And I'm sure you were – you were probably chomping at the bit screaming, "HOW DOES MEGGY FEEL ABOUT JOURNALS?!?! I MUST KNNNOOOOOW!" Yeah, well, now you do.
...And yes, I said nifty.
...And yes, I said nifty.
Yikes.
~Meggy
Journals are SO important; maybe not for everyone, but for certain kinds of people. Perhaps for introverts. The problem with, say, melancholics, is that we're ALWAYS thinking, and we often think ourselves downright sick. But when you write, you don't need to think those thoughts anymore. You can forget them. Or remember, depending on what it is. It's tangible, you can deal with it. For me, getting my thoughts out of my head makes me a happier, healthier person. I find that it helps me to pray, as well. It's hard to sit in the chapel and talk to God, because you have both nothing and everything to say. Get out a book and pen, and you can think. You can talk. You can write one thing at a time. Regularity is my one problem... I need to journal the positive things more often. :)
ReplyDeleteOhhhhhhhhhhh thank you thank you thank you. You are precisely right! Melancholics have a problem of just thinking too much – and usually negatively when it comes to themselves in their thoughts. The more they think, they harder they get on themselves. I find that, in the past, journaling does not necessarily cure that. But now that I'm aware of it, I find that I can build myself up in my writing - put the pieces back together so that I can see the whole picture. And then later, I look back over what I've written before, realize how wrong I was, and make sure that I'm not thinking like that NOW. Oh, the joys of writing!!!
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