I can't feel you anymore – you have gone so far away....

What to write when you have nothing much on your mind?

I miss him.

And I miss him.

And it's odd to feel that I've come home to my dorm room.

I wish I had been wiser growing up.  I wish I hadn't wasted so many years in misery.  I wish I could think of a period of my life that I'm proud of.

I wish Lent wasn't almost over.  I was not as successful as I ought to have been.  But there's still time left for progress – all is not yet lost.

I keep zoning out today.  Not "in the zone."  Way out of it.  It's awkward.  I'm having trouble keeping regular conversation.

I've learned that – guess what? – I'm not shy.  Well, I am.  I'm shy about my looks.  I'm shy around people that, for whatever reason, intimidate me.  But I'm not afraid to talk to people.  I love talking to people – need to talk to people.

I'm so incredibly stupid.  God is so good.

Society looks at the evil in the world; I look at the evil inside.  Society wonders why a good God would let bad things happen; I wonder why He doesn't let them happen more often.

–– Why does God love me?  What have I ever done?  Nothing.  He loves me because He created me; He created me because He loves me.  He loved me first, second, and lastly.  The sin did not come before the love.  The Love is eternal - the sin is not.

Sin is an emptiness.  Sin is a nothingness.  Sin is empty.  Sin is nothing.  Sin is a lack of something – sin is a lack of God.  May there not always be a lack of God in my heart.

And with that, I've gotten very philosophical.  I must be more tired than I think.

I have homework I ought to be working on.

I'm working on a habit of complimenting myself whenever I start to put myself down.  So – I'm stupid? Well, yes, but God made you with an incredibly beautiful soul.  Look around!  You are surrounded by people who love you.  You are surrounded by people who want you.  Don't close in on yourself, silly goose!  God loves you still, even just now, and it's His Love that will improve you.

It's a good day today for blankets, soothing music, and homework.  ("Homework?" "Yes, homework.  It's very satisfying when it's done.")

I could really use a hug and some chill time.  :(  Why are my best huggers so far away (physically and metaphorically)?

Download this free music and listen to the words... so good.

http://noisetrade.com/joshgarrels/love-war-the-sea-in-between

~Meggy

Prayers During This Time of Prayer... Please.

Hello, everybody.  I don't know how many people read my blog on a regular basis, but if you read this, would you pretty please pray extra hard for me for a few minutes?  I've only been back at school for a few hours but I can tell the struggle is not gone just because I left for a week.  I'm back, and it's back.  I'm hurting bad.  And I need your prayers to get through this with wisdom and dignity.  I will have to take action, but not every solution is clear.  I would appreciate anything you can send my way.

With more gratitude than I can express,

Yours sincerely,

~Meggy

Growing, Growing, Growing, Gone

HABEMUS PAPEM!  HABEMUS PAPEM!  HABEMUS PAPEM!

I was not expecting it to happen so soon!  I was shopping and suddenly I got a text from Pope Alarm that we had a new pope!  How wonderful!  I hope that, whether you're Catholic or not, you will pray for his holiness and let it rest; whatever dirt that can be found on him is irrelevant – he's the infallible father of Christ's Church – he does not need to be perfect.  Christ will work through him.  The holier he is, the greater the work that can be done – but he doesn't have to have a saintly past in order to lead and guide God's holy Church.

I almost didn't post anything about the Pope – it's pretty much all been said already and I didn't want to sound like a broken record.  But I felt that it was almost my duty to celebrate.

Anyway, I think that my writing on my blog has changed a great deal since I started it, what, almost two years ago now?  Has it really only been that long?  Anyway, if you go back and read those early posts, you may notice quite a difference content and even style.  My audience hasn't changed – namely other people my age with my interests – but perhaps my age range has.  You see, two years ago, I was sixteen.  Eighteen is a whole lot different than sixteen – at least it has been for me on many levels.

For a while, I thought, "This is just a phase," or, "I should try to write some fun posts like I used to," but you see, I just can't.  I'm not who I once was.

Sometimes, I might write an entry or two that is complete nonsense and silliness – but such things are beyond my everyday capacity now.

I enjoy the way I write now.  It tends to be prettier.  It tends to be more deliberate and calculated.  It tends to drive home what I want to say with an economy of words and precise imagery that surprises even myself.  Sometimes, after reading over what I've written, I better understand what I am trying to say because I've taken the time to explain it with metaphor and analogy and personification – relating my topic to things that are, for the most part, universally understood.

In the past, I've mourned over someone changing in a way that I no longer enjoy what they do.  It happens all the time – I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.  But it's not necessarily because they run out of ideas and have been grasping at straws, or because they are not really interested in what they do anymore, or because they've gotten old.  Perhaps the last reason is the closest to the truth, though.  They have matured and they think and act differently – we hope.

So you see, I can no longer write like a child because I am not a child.  Well, yes I am, so it'll come out now and then.  But don't you see?  I'm in college now.  I'm eighteen now.  I have to make my own decisions and get myself through the day.  I don't know why this makes such a difference, but it does.

So my writing will be different.  A lot of the blogs I read are still where I was at two years ago – and I'm not saying y'all are immature.  I still enjoy reading those blogs and reading the child-like interest in little things that I have such a hard time writing about.  And some of these people may be in college, may be older than me!  Maturity doesn't necessitate the loss of these qualities – but it seems to have with me.

I'm not dull – I just can't write like that anymore.

If you haven't noticed a difference over the past few months or so, then good!  That means I'm over thinking this.  As usual.

But it made for a good post, didn't it!

~Meggy